16 Months

*Warning – If you are related to me or don’t want to know intimate details of my sex life you should probably skip today’s post*

In previous posts I have spoken of my celibacy or ‘dry spell’. It has now been 16 months of me not having sex, a long time by anyone’s standards. It has probably been the longest dry spell I have had since I have been out. In the start it was by choice. After yet another failed relationship I decided I didn’t want to sleep with anyone else until I met “The One”. In the start it was kind of refreshing. I had a lot more spare time to do things I enjoyed. I never had to sit around starring at my phone thinking “Will he call?” “Maybe he didn’t like that thing I did with my tongue, maybe that’s why he isn’t calling, maybe I’m weird.” Best of all though, for the first time in a long time I could focus on making me happy, not trying to make someone else happy.

It had been a long time since I had focused on me and it was long overdue. You see, I came out at what I consider quite late, the ripe old age of 21. By this stage all my friends had been playing the dating game for a fair few years and now that I had all my shit sorted, I felt like I had some catching up to do. I had the older boyfriend, the rich boyfriend, the clingy boyfriend, the fuck buddy, the casual fuck, the threesome and way too many one night stands, all within my first year of coming out. You could say I made up for lost time. By the end of that year, I was lost, confused and broken hearted.

While I enjoyed exploring my sexuality, finding out what I do like and what I don’t like, it wasn’t me. It didn’t fit with who I was as a person. I was most definately the boyfriend type. I liked the snuggling in bed and the kissing and all the cute shit that came with having a boyfriend. So I started to settle down. I had the long distance boyfriend, the young boyfriend, the emotionally distant boyfriend, the young boyfriend again and then the cowboy. By the end of a pile of failed relationships I was the one left feeling like a failure. Which is when I decided the whole thing was just too damn hard and started my vow of celibacy.

In the past 16 months of putting a lot more effort into me, I’ve grown as a person. I’ve accomplished things in my career that I never thought possible, Ive made some of the best friends, I’ve built this blog, I’ve moved into my own home and started renovating it. I’ve made more progress in my life than ever before. But now that all the other areas of my life are coming together, I feel now more than ever that I am ready to end the “dry season”. My problem now is, I don’t feel like I’m quite ready for another relationship, and I’ve done the meaningless sex thing when I was younger and didn’t enjoy it. So what’s a man to do? Do I give casual sex another go (I might like it as an adult) Or do I just wait until I am ready for another relationship? Is there a happy medium that I am blissfully unaware of?

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The GAYtest Story Ever Told Part 5

Now that I knew I definitely wasn’t gay I started dating girls. If I thought about men while I jerked off but only dated women that totally meant I was straight…. Right? In my head it did. I had a couple of girlfriends that lasted a few weeks or so and one girl I would make out with every now and then. Every time it went to the bedroom I told myself and told them that I “Didn’t want to rush things, I wanted to take it slow”. Usually I would finger bash them til they got off and apparently I was quite good at it so it never really became a problem. Talk about wasted talents.

I thought it was all sorted but by this stage I was 18 and I still had my virginity or “my V plates” as my mates liked to call it. They would constantly give me shit about it to the point where it really started to bother me. When the jokes turned to suggestions that maybe I hadn’t had sex because I was gay, I knew I had to do something about it. I also figured that maybe it would fix everything and get me over this stupid phase that I was still going through.

Around the same time I met a nice english girl, she was friends with one of my mates girlfriends. She really seemed to liked me and I had a lot of fun hanging out with her. We started dating and things were going surprisingly well. A few weeks in we were going to meet everyone down the pub so I went around her house after work.

Warning: If you are a relative of mine, weak in the stomach or just don’t want to know details about my sex life then I suggest you skip the next part

We had a few drinks and then she pulled me into her bedroom. I thought I could work my magic and in no time we would be at the pub. We laid down facing each other making out for a bit. She grabbed my dick and started rubbing it against her bush. It felt weird. The next thing I knew she pushed it downwards and slipped it inside her pussy. I was shocked, I didn’t know what was going on. It was exciting, I was finally losing my virginity! After about 30 seconds her parents called out “Do you still want a lift to the pub?” and we had to stop.

We went to the pub and had a good night out with all our friends but we both had other things on our mind. We headed back to mine and were both keen to finish what we started. I pulled out a condom and put it on. We started missionary, it didn’t feel the best so I flipped her over and tried doggy style. I still felt nothing. I started to panic. All my mates talked about sex like it was the best thing on earth. I was finally doing it and I felt nothing. I felt dead inside. It wasn’t exciting at all. In fact it was boring me. This couldn’t be right? Maybe I was doing it wrong? Nope I was doing it right, but why did it feel so wrong?

I thrusted for a bit longer, let out a moan and pretended to orgasm. I quickly pulled out, threw the condom on the floor and lied down on my stomach with my hard on pressed up against me. I laid there with my mind racing. Maybe I wasn’t as straight as I thought? I was more confused than ever but one thing was for sure, I was going to have to dump that girl coz I sure as hell couldn’t go through that again……..

The GAYtest Story Ever Told Part 4

I had crawled back into my little closet and was fighting my own “War on Gay”. By the time I was 17 I was loosing dreadfully. I was chatting to guys in gay chatrooms, I was looking at gay porn, my favourite show was Queer as Folk. But I still wasn’t gay! No way! I may have been loosing the battle at the time but in my head I was eventually going to beat this. I was going to get married and have a wife and kids and 2 dogs. I was going to have the white picket fence dream and nothing was going to get in my way, especially this stupid little phase.

As I was succumbing to more and more gay influences I came up with this bright idea “If I try stuff with a guy I will definately know if I am gay or not”. I spent a lot of time online looking for someone. Now that I look back I am very lucky I didn’t get raped by some 45 year old man. I eventually found a guy. He was a few years older than me, he had blonde hair and green eyes. He was kind of short and had a small frame.  

We arranged for him to meet me at the shops up the road from my house because you know, I couldn’t have a gay person come to my house! He drove a silver lancer. I saw the car and jumped in. I was excited and scared but mostly scared. He drove down to the beach as we might chit chat. I was so nervous I didn’t say much at all.

Warning: If you are a relative of mine, weak in the stomach or just don’t want to know details about my sex life then I suggest you skip this part

We arrived at the beach and went for a walk. We both knew what we were there for and walked up into the sand dunes. It was awkward as fuck! He leaned in for a kiss but I couldn’t kiss him because you know, that would be gay. He got down on his knees and undid my pants. He pulled my dick out from behind my boxers and started sucking on it. It felt good and after a bit we switched positions. I had some trouble undoing his belt but finally got it undone and pulled down his jocks which reavealed a surprisingly big fat cock. I sucked on it for a short time. I didn’t really know what I was doing and I’m sure it was awful for him. Pretty soon we both lied down in the sand and started to 69. We did that for a bit and eventually ended up both finishing ourselves off and blowing into the sand.

The very second I came I felt dirty, like a filthy filthy whore who had every std possible and who bathed regularly in a bath of diarrhea. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. He dropped me back to the shops and said he would like to see me again. That sure as hell wasn’t going to happen. I ran home shaking. I had never been so confused in my entire life. At least now I knew that I definitely wasn’t gay! Although I had given and received my first blowjob and partaken in my first 69 all before I had even had my first kiss….

Is My Celibacy Offensive?

The regular readers of ty-curious.com will know that I havent had sex in over a year. After my relationship with the cowboy ended the last thing on my mind was sex. After a while I just got used to going without it. After even longer I felt revirginised and felt I should hold out til Mr Right came along. These days I dont even know why I am not doing it, maybe its a form of self torture, maybe its nerves, maybe I have over hyped it. I think the majority of my reason is that I am not 100% comfotable with my body at the moment, and its been so long that I’m kinda scared to get naked in front of someone, especially a stranger. I know I’m not disgusting or anything but I also know that my body is not at the point where I feel comfortable showing it off.

Whatever it is, when I’m chatting to guys I let them know pretty early on in the show that I havent been with anyone in a long time. I think it gives a good indicator of where I’m at and that they have 0% chance of hooking up if that is all they are looking for. The strange thing is that lately I have had a few weird reactions. A couple of guys have turned and said “Im a total slut compared to you” “You make me look like a whore” “Ok Mother Theresa”. They seem to take offense at my choice to not hook up, as if my choices reflect badly on them because they do. I in no way think that sleeping around is a bad thing. I totally get it, hey sometimes I even want to do it too. But I know myself well enough to know that right now that is not what I want. Maybe one day that will change, maybe one day soon. Until that day though I am going to stand strong and do what I beleive is best for me.

The thing that has got me thinking is that I’m a 27 year old grown ass man, I like to think that I know myself pretty well and that I have a decent amount of self confidence. That being said, even I am feeling the pressure to “join the darkside” to be like everyone else on grindr and manhunt. I can’t begin to imagine what it is like for young guys coming out onto the gay dating scene. What do you think? Are guys against celibacy? Is there a certain level of pressure to “be like everyone else” on these sites?

Is Bareback Porn Bad For Your Health?

*Warning – today’s blog is quite graphic. If you have a weak stomach, are easily offended or are related to me then you probably shouldn’t read on*

I’m a big fan of Bareback porn. For those straight readers out there who arent quite sure what I am talking about, bareback porn is gay porn where the guys don’t use condoms. I think if I am going to practice the most ultimate form of safe sex – sitting by myself watching porn, then condoms don’t need to be involved. I don’t condone spreading diseases or anything and fully believe that the actors should go through a rigorous testing process to screen infection out and minimize the spread of things like HIV.

The problem is, a lot of guys don’t really think about the fact that these actors are going through these processes to minimize their risk of infection. Or even worse, watch one of the thousands of amateur videos out there of guys barebacking with absolutely no regard for their health. Having easy access to all these videos of guys having unprotected sex kind of desensitizes the whole situation. It makes it seem like having unprotected sex is no big deal and it’s something that heaps of guys just do.

What I find most disturbing is that the younger generation who were too young too take notice of the safe sex message that was heavily promoted in the early nineties, and who get no gay sex education in the schools, turn to the internet to learn more about their sexuallity. After seeing hundreds of videos of guys barebacking, they start to think that it is common practice and partake in behaviour that is actually putting their life at risk.

I, along with some of the readers of ty-curious.com who have written in, have noticed that there are a lot of young guys lately on things like grindr n manhunt who will straight out ask you to breed them. I read somewhere that the rate of infection of HIV in guys under 25 is the highest it has been in decades. One doctor speculated that it was due to a blaz’e attitude towards barebacking.

I watched a video a few weeks ago that started off with a warning saying something like “Both of these actors have been tested and know each others serostatus (HIV status) They only do scenes with each other. While our videos are bareback, we do not condone or promote risky sexual behaviour”. What do you think? Should bareback porn come with a health warning?

Celery and Hamburgers

Dear Ty,

My best friend just told me he was gay. I have a crush on him and love him so much. I am trying to understand, whats the difference between putting it in a boys butt hole and my vagina? Wouldn’t it be the same? Why cant he just do the things he wants to do to boys to me?

Wendy

Hi Wendy,

Sounds like you have got yourself into a pretty complicated situation but dont worry, many a girl before you has had a crush on a gay man and I can assure you, you wont be the last to do so. I have been asked this question hundreds of times, “Why cant you just stick it in a girls hole? Is’nt it basically the same thing?”. The best way I can describe it is like this. Sex with a girl is like celery, and sex with a boy is like a hamburger. I can eat celery, It will do its job and fill me with nourishment but thats about it. It wont taste good, I wont enjoy it, It wont satisfy my cravings. On the other had I can eat a hamburger and completely enjoy it. The taste the smell, everything about it will leave me completely satisfied. If your friend only likes hamburgers theres not much point in forcing him to eat celery, hes not going to enjoy it and you deserve someone who loves eating celery!

-Ty

 

Remember you can ask me anything any time by emailing me at ty@ty-curious.com

Bad Head

Dear Ty,

My boyfriend is TERRIBLE at giving head. How do I break it to him without hurting his feelings?

-David

Dear David,

I don’t think you can tell him without making him feel bad. He could get shy about it or even worse, stop doing it all together! My suggestion is to mix things up a bit. When you give him head try different things and then get him to try them on you. At very least this will break up his boring old playlist and give him a whole new beat to dance to! What tips do you have? Let me know in the comments section

Remember you can ask me anything by emailing ty@ty-curious.com