Do I need to be needed?

Today I read a blog on a fellow bloggers page called “Why are you still single?”. It was written by a woman who I consider to be attractive, intelligent and independent. The story was that she kept meeting men who kept asking “Why are you still single?”. Eventually one of them turned around and said “I’ve figured it out, you don’t have any one because you don’t need anyone”. After consulting girlfriends they agreed men need to feel needed. There were so many good points in this blog but this point got me thinking.

Being a man myself I started to think “Do I need to be needed?” I thought back over all my past relationships and it was true for every single one. One of the main things all my past relationships had in common was I felt needed by the other person. In all the lists I have made or rules I have written about finding a partner this 1 key fact had never made it’s way on to the lists. How could I have missed something so simple?

When I think about it, it’s basically hard wired in to our DNA as men to be a provider for our families, partners and children. Since the birth of man, men have provided and women have nurtured. It’s only natural to want to provide for your partner and therefore be needed by them.

This got me thinking further though, how does this feeling of being needed transpire into gay relationships? I know everyone, men and women, want to feel needed but how does it work when both partners need to be needed in the exact same way? I know from experience that some of my relationships have been a constant wrestling match for who gets to be the provider in the relationship. I have, at times felt emasculated when I have had to back down and let someone provide for me. So how does a gay relationship come to a balance where both partners get to fulfil their role as “the man” and therefore fulfil their natural instinct of feeling needed?

I’d love to know your ideas. Let me know in the comments below!


The Good Guys

Over the years I’ve been on a lot of dates and met a lot of guys. By no means am I a slut or promiscuous, but I do enjoy dating (no sex, no not even a quick wristy). I like meeting new guys and in my years of gay dating I have met a lot of guys that are decent and attractive and have their shit together. They are nice and normal good guys.

The problem is at the end of a date with a good guy I’m always left thinking “this guy is good and I could have a perfectly good relationship with him, maybe even a good life with him. I could be with him and things would be nice and normal”

But what if I don’t want good? What if I want great? What if I want amazing? I’m constantly wondering should I settle for good or hold out for great? What do you think? What would you do? Does anyone else feel like this? Let me know in the comments below.