So for those of you who dont know I’m a ridiculously huge glee fan. It’s like inside me lives the gayest man alive and there is 2 times where he comes out. When I am drunk and when I am watching glee!
I was watching tonights episode and I have to say I am outraged! In it the 2 gay characters Kurt and Blaine where going through some dramas and they decided to see the school counsellor to sort things out. In the start there where some petty squables and then it turned and Blaine started pouring his heart out to Kurt about how much he loved him, about how he was scared to lose him. It definately tugged on my old hearts strings. He then turned to Kurt and says “Your the love of my life”. They both tear up, they lean towards each other and they….. hug!
Hug?!? Are you mother fucking serious? This guy has just poured out his heart and soul, They have both been deeply touched by this experience and they fucking hug! This shit is just not on. It was so unrealistic and had it been any other couple they would have kissed like any other normal person would in that situation.
Now I’m not angry at the makers of glee. They have done wonders in bringing gay rights to the attention of everyday people. Much more than their fair share and I give them credit for that. What upsets me is that we live in a world where they didnt feel comfortable, where it would have been to controversial to put in another gay kiss. It was a kick in the guts to think that in 2012 we still aren’t ready for that.
After being lifted so high by FINALLY seeing a realistic portrayal of what a gay couple really act like, to then have them hug was so disappointing. What do you think? Is society ready for another gay kiss or is it too soon?
Regular readers of ty-curious.com you would have heard me mention the cowboy on a few occaisions. He was my last serious relationship. Things busted up between us about 14 months ago on fairly amicable terms but we both deleted each other from facebook.
When I first met the cowboy he laid down the law that if we wanted to be together there would be no going to go gay clubs or gay pubs and no hanging out in gay places or with gay people. At the time I had had my fill of the scene as was growing more and more tired of it. I also looked back at other relationships and realised how much other gay dudes had meddled in my relationships and made things far harder than they had to be, so I agreed to these terms. As time went on there was also a facebook clause added to the rules. I was asked to delete all gay people from my facebook, regardless of wheather they were friends or not. Eventually I reluctantly agreed.
Although I didnt want to completely cut myself off from all other gay people, I could see his point. If my past was anything to go by, being a gay couple and mingling with other gay guys was a constant source of jealousy and fighting which most of the time was spawned over nothing at all. He encouraged me to leave the gay world behind me and rejoin the real world. I appreciated it massively. It was one of the healthiest relationships I have ever had, no dramas, no complications just simple and easy. I learnt a lot from it and because of that I earned giant respect for the cowboy.
The problem was that when we broke up I was left alone, completely cut off from the gay world. I had deleted all my gay friends from facebook, I was unsure if I even had their phone numbers still. I could try re-adding them but would they want to accept after I deleted them for no reason? Would they want to talk to me after I cut them off for 6 months. I couldnt go out and meet new gay people because I had no one to go with. I was stuck and isolated. I have struggled to make new gay friends or reconnect old gay friendships and still feel very isolated. Luckily though, I have some pretty amazing straight people in my life that keep me going.
So last night I was cruising through facebook and the cowboys name popped up on a friend of a friends status. I couldnt help myself, I had to have a bit of a stalk. I was absolutely shocked. He had so many gay friends and all his statuses were about going out to the gay pub every weekend. I was stunned. I know people grow and change, and it had been over a year but, he had turned into the complete opposite person of the guy I used to know. I became enraged. He forced me out of that world and spent hours convincing me how bad it was for me and how I shouldnt be a part of it. It now seems that the second we broke up he just jumped straight back onto the gay scene and became a “Scene Queen”.
Im now left wondering, was I tricked? All the reasons I beleived to stay away where put into my head by him, the guy who is now there every weekend. I dont know what to beleive now. What do you think? Is it better to keep the company of straight people, Do you like to only surround yourself with other gays or Do you like a mix of both?
I’m a pretty ordinary looking guy and I know people mean the best when they say this to me but it absolutely infuriates me when straight people tell me “Your alright because your not that gay, I just hate those gay guys that are like all in your face about it”. Oh well, I guess your ok then, it’s not really homophobia if you only hate some gay people!
But hey, being a gay man you kinda get used to straight people not really getting it sometimes. What abso-fucking-lutely makes me want to loose my shit is when gay people pull the exact same shit!
All this no femmes, no queens, straight acting only bullshit pisses me off more than anything! If you had any idea how much courage these guys have, to look and dress however they feel most comfortable and not let all of the narrow minded bigots out there get them down, you would commend them. You want to talk about being a real man? That’s being a real man, having the strength to be yourself regardless of what anyone thinks.
I’m so sick of people beating down femmes or guys that are too gay. I have nothing but respect for this type of guy, I actually wish that I had the courage to be more like them.
So always remember, there’s no such thing as too gay, but there is such thing as too bigoted!
If your guilty of spreading hate against the really gay guys share this post and earn some good gay karma!
I just read an awesome blog by my friend The Narcissist about settling. It got my mind racing. Settling is something that is often on my mind.
In the past 7 years as an openly gay man I have had my fair share of relationships. Sure some of them were complete dicks but some of them were nice, normal, good guys. They were good enough. I could have married them (if it was legal) and lived a nice, normal good life. Every time I reached the point where I realised we were heading down the road to living a nice normal average life together, I would get a sinking feeling in my stomach. I would literally start to feel sick. It’s like I’m allergic to mediocrity. This is the point where I usually start to sabotage the relationship.
My ex partner of 2 years turned to me in the end and said “You can have all this, we can live this life together, we can both work our normal jobs and come home to our normal house and our normal life but I know you, and I know that this is not going to make you happy. You are going to want more than this, You will miss all the dreams you gave up to have this”. At the time I hated him for saying it. I was ready to give up on all my dreams and settle. Lucky enough for me he wasn’t going to let me do that. A year later I had the Cowboy saying something very similar at the end of our relationship. He said “If I stay with you I am just going to be standing in the way of your dreams and I dont want to be a dream stealer”.
I often wonder though, Am I deluding myself? Are the big dreams just dreams and are they standing in the way of letting me live something that is nice and normal and happy and average. Am I destined for something great and I cant let a relationship get in my way? Or is that just a lie I tell myself so I can sleep at night?
The other day I wrote a blog about being gay and it not being a choice. In there I wrote about how it is harder to find a partner. Some idiot decided to tell me that it’s not harder. So today I’m here to prove them wrong. With maths! Exciting right?…. Ok just stick with me.
Let’s say the entire population is 100%. 50% male, 50% female. I’m already down to 50%. Most study’s agree that between 2 and 3 percent of males are gay. So that makes 1.5% of the population gay males.
Let’s say I agreed to date anywhere from 7 years younger than me to 7 years older. That’s 17% of the population. So now gay males in my age bracket are 0.08%.
I, like most people don’t find every single person attractive. So let’s factor in some standards. Let’s say I find 1 in 10 people attractive (which I don’t think is high standards by any means) that’s 10% of the population. So, gay men in my age bracket that I would be attracted to are 0.008% of the population.
But we all know not everyone out there is completely normal. There are liars, cheats and deadbeats. There are guys with too much baggage and guys that are just down right crazy. I’m going to be kind at this point and say 25% would fall into this category (if you have ever been on grindr you will know its a lot higher than that). So we are now down to 0.006%
You may have 0.006% to like but not everyone is going to like you back. Depending on how you look, how much baggage you have and how well you hide your own crazy you could have anywhere for 1% to 99% of guy like you back. For the sake of completing this article, I would say if half the dates you went on the guy liked you back then you are doing pretty well. So let’s go with half which makes it 0.003%
So unless you date someone a lot older or a lot younger, date someone you don’t find attractive, date someone who is crazy or try to pursue something thats one sided, You have 0.003% chance of meeting someone.
So next time someone gets up in your grill about who your dating, your lack of dating or anything to do with your love life tell them to BACK THE FUCK OFF, because I think whatever you are doing, you are doing the best with the 0.003% you were given.
So after my awkard ordeal that ended in some heavy Dry Humping I was more than happy to lay off the dating for a while . I went to work the next day and tried to forget the whole incident. Just as I was about to go to lunch I received a text, it was from dry humper. It said “Sorry about last night, I guess I was a bit over sensitive”. I appreciated the sentiment and thought to myself “I know I have lost my cool before on a mixture of first date nerves and too many beers, it happens to the best of us”. Although I had no interest in pursuing things any further I didnt want to leave him hanging like an idiot after building up the courage to apologise. So I texted back , “All good bud. Dont worry about it”. I felt good because I thought that obviously after what happened neither of us where going to pursue things but we had both managed to be mature about the situation.
Later that night I was on the train home and I got another text “Would you like to go out to dinner on the weekend?”. I thought it was pretty obvious that I was no longer interested at all but hey I guess he got his wires crossed, maybe being a nice guy gave him the wrong idea? So I did what anyone else would do in my situation and ignored the text. Ok, Maybe it wasn’t the most mature situation in the world but surely its going to make it clear that I am not interested.
The next day I received another text “Do you want to hang out on the weekend?”. I couldnt believe it! I didnt want to be mean but I definately wasn’t making it clear enough to him that I wasn’t interested so I texted back “Look mate, I think after the whole situation the other night that it’s best we leave it” to which he replied “Ummm…. ok”. I was kinda annoyed that I had to be the bad guy but at least it was over.
A couple of days later I was on Grindr again curing my boredom and I got a message from someone with no pic and no details. We started chatting and he asked about how my housemate hunt was coming along. I freaked out and asked how this unknown person knew that I was looking for a housemate. He sent through a photo and sure enough it was Dry Humper. I quickly wrapped up the conversation and turned off Grindr.
Im left to wonder though, Why do some people just not take the hint? Do they enjoy being rejected over and over again? I hate having to reject them, it’s not fun for me at all. It actually makes me feel like a major asshole. I just don’t understand why someone would put themself through repeated rejection like that. I have a rule that if someone ignores 2 texts from me then they are obviously not interested enough in me and I leave it and walk away. Maybe thats just me. When do you give up? Are you relentless or do you bow out after the first round?
Today I read a blog on a fellow bloggers page called “Why are you still single?”. It was written by a woman who I consider to be attractive, intelligent and independent. The story was that she kept meeting men who kept asking “Why are you still single?”. Eventually one of them turned around and said “I’ve figured it out, you don’t have any one because you don’t need anyone”. After consulting girlfriends they agreed men need to feel needed. There were so many good points in this blog but this point got me thinking.
Being a man myself I started to think “Do I need to be needed?” I thought back over all my past relationships and it was true for every single one. One of the main things all my past relationships had in common was I felt needed by the other person. In all the lists I have made or rules I have written about finding a partner this 1 key fact had never made it’s way on to the lists. How could I have missed something so simple?
When I think about it, it’s basically hard wired in to our DNA as men to be a provider for our families, partners and children. Since the birth of man, men have provided and women have nurtured. It’s only natural to want to provide for your partner and therefore be needed by them.
This got me thinking further though, how does this feeling of being needed transpire into gay relationships? I know everyone, men and women, want to feel needed but how does it work when both partners need to be needed in the exact same way? I know from experience that some of my relationships have been a constant wrestling match for who gets to be the provider in the relationship. I have, at times felt emasculated when I have had to back down and let someone provide for me. So how does a gay relationship come to a balance where both partners get to fulfil their role as “the man” and therefore fulfil their natural instinct of feeling needed?
I’d love to know your ideas. Let me know in the comments below!