Is My Celibacy Offensive?

The regular readers of will know that I havent had sex in over a year. After my relationship with the cowboy ended the last thing on my mind was sex. After a while I just got used to going without it. After even longer I felt revirginised and felt I should hold out til Mr Right came along. These days I dont even know why I am not doing it, maybe its a form of self torture, maybe its nerves, maybe I have over hyped it. I think the majority of my reason is that I am not 100% comfotable with my body at the moment, and its been so long that I’m kinda scared to get naked in front of someone, especially a stranger. I know I’m not disgusting or anything but I also know that my body is not at the point where I feel comfortable showing it off.

Whatever it is, when I’m chatting to guys I let them know pretty early on in the show that I havent been with anyone in a long time. I think it gives a good indicator of where I’m at and that they have 0% chance of hooking up if that is all they are looking for. The strange thing is that lately I have had a few weird reactions. A couple of guys have turned and said “Im a total slut compared to you” “You make me look like a whore” “Ok Mother Theresa”. They seem to take offense at my choice to not hook up, as if my choices reflect badly on them because they do. I in no way think that sleeping around is a bad thing. I totally get it, hey sometimes I even want to do it too. But I know myself well enough to know that right now that is not what I want. Maybe one day that will change, maybe one day soon. Until that day though I am going to stand strong and do what I beleive is best for me.

The thing that has got me thinking is that I’m a 27 year old grown ass man, I like to think that I know myself pretty well and that I have a decent amount of self confidence. That being said, even I am feeling the pressure to “join the darkside” to be like everyone else on grindr and manhunt. I can’t begin to imagine what it is like for young guys coming out onto the gay dating scene. What do you think? Are guys against celibacy? Is there a certain level of pressure to “be like everyone else” on these sites?


Why I hate Gay Dating Websites

Recently I went back on to a popular gay dating website. I had sworn off them and promised myself that I wouldnt go back on them ever again. This is a trend that a lot of gay men follow. What lead me back to this site was me sitting around my house thinking that although I am enjoying being single, it would be nice to meet someone, even to just go on a date with someone again. Also thoughts like “if i dont put myself out there I am never going to meet someone” kept running through my head.

So I jumped online, typed in the site and after a desperate struggle to remember my username and password I was in. Straight away I look to the right and there are ads for porn. I look to the bottom of the screen and it has a list of profiles that have viewed mine. The profile pictures where as follows. Penis, Penis, Chest, Headless pic, Old man. Mmmmm appealling, NOT! At this point I am already regretting jumping back on this site. I then looked to the bottom right hand corner and there is an ad. It read as follows

Been sharing Fisting toys in Group Sex?
Get checked for syphilis now!
You could be at risk.

So I’m not here to judge anyone on what they chose to do sexually and if you want to fist or have group sex then go right ahead. (maybe don’t share toys that have been inside someone else though because that is disgusting and apparently can give you syphilis!!!)

It’s good that we live in a world where people are free to do those things if that’s what they want to do but here is my problem. For most young gay / bi / curious men, these dating sites are their first port of call. When they first reach out to make contact with other gay men it is through these sites. While I’m not saying we should take these things down, I am saying that we need to depict a more realistic reality of what gay life is like. For some people being gay means fisting, group sex and cock pics all over the Internet, for others being gay means simply enjoying the company of other men and then there is everything in between. At the moment the only impression of gay life that the younger or newer gays are getting is one of cocks and porn and promiscuity. Then as gay men we turn around and piss and moan that no one wants a relationship! Ummm we have conditioned them to be promiscuous from the very first moment they logged into our community. We never provided them with another option!

As a community it is our responsibility to provide a more realistic representation of what it is like to be gay. What do you think? How are some ways that we could do that? Let me know in the comments below!