I started writing today and realised that I need to give the back story of how things had got to that point. The back story is a long dirty 2 years and how I even ended up in that situation has its own back story. Then that story has a back story so I figured there is no better place to start than right at the start. What follows is my story or what I like to call The GAYtest story ever told.
In 1984 a young couple in Perth, Western Australia gave birth to their first born son. This blond haired blue eyed boy with a cheeky smile was the poster boy for cute kids. People often ramrked “Oh Ty, Your going to break all the girls hearts when your older”. If only they knew how right they were. By age 7 I seemed to have the perfect childhood, A mum and dad who loved me, 2 younger brothers, a nice house with a pool and a dog that was just about to give birth to a litter of puppies. Life couldn’t get better.
By the end of that year my parents would be divorced. My 2 brothers and I would have to go live with my mum in some povo rental house with no pool, I didn’t know where my dad went and worst of all, my dog and all her puppies had to be taken to the pound! My mum let me have a cat at the new place but if I had realised how much of a shit trade off that was I probably would have never taken that deal. Seriously, who wants a cat?
My mum did a legendary job at being a single mum and within a few years bought her own place. Things weren’t bad there. I got a new dog and was also allowed to have almost a zoo full of new pets. We were on the outskirts and had large bushland area across the road. We built tree houses and bike tracks. We went sand boarding and climbing through caves.
It was a pretty amazing childhood once again but I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was different. My mum showed us how much she loved us through cooking for us and I had turned into the chubby kid. I was now also part of a single income family so I was also the poor kid. I thought maybe that’s what made me different but I was soon to find out that it was much more than that…..
Last night I spent some time with my Dad, far from my usual saturday night. I dont see him alot or spend alot of time with him. You could say our relationship is at best, strained. We are two completely opposite people with opposite beliefs and views on life and are both very passionate about our opinions which makes for some very firey moments. I guess this is the kind of relationship alot of people have with their parents so Im sure alot of you understand. A few months ago we had a massive argument and alot of things were said that had been brewing for years, so now with the air cleared Im trying to build a better relationship with him. So we started talking and he asked (with genuine interest, which was kind of shocking) about the whole gay thing. For us this a topic we usually skirt around or try to avoid. But he asked so I spilled my guts. We ended up getting on to the topic of kids and I told him even though I was gay I still wanted kids one day and he was like “How would that even work?”. To be honest Im not even sure of how that would work. I am aware that some gay guys do have kids and there are different options available but we both agreed that alot of the options seemed pretty messy. Shared custody, adoption or whatever it would never be the wife, kids and white picket fence family. Not that the white picket fence family is the only good option (Im sure most of us didnt grow up like that) but if I wanted kids it was going to be far more complicated than it would be for your average straight person. There was an awkward silence and then I just blurted out “If you dont have kids, What do you do with your life?”. I never realised how much I had fallen for societies expectation to grow up, get a job, get married, have kids. I had never even considered another option, even though there has quite clearly been a large spanner in the works for that plan for a long time now. I obviously have a lack of single childless role models. So Im left wondering, If you dont have kids and make a family… What do you do with your life? Travel? Become career obsessed? Become a Crazy Cat Lady?
What would you do if you were told you couldn’t have children? How would you spend your life? What would you do instead? Let me know on my facebook page by clicking the link above.