I came across this the other day and I think it sums it up perfectly.
When I started blogging I also started reading a lot of blogs. One of my favourite blogs is the highly addictive One Gay At A Time. He has become part of my daily ritual. I get up, make breakfast then read his blog. It’s always entertaining, honest and a good read. I have even had the luck to collaborate with him on something that I like to call One Gay At A Ty, so when we reached out to each other yesterday to discuss my most recent blog post “Too Gay” and discovered we had conflicting opinions on the matter, I was more than happy to hook up another collaboration. Please make welcome my friend One Gay At A Time with his response to yesterdays blog post…
Bud. I’m really going to have to disagree with yesterday’s post.
In my humble opinion, no one is truly gay. On the contrary, no one is completely straight or bi either. There’s a spectrum, much like the Kinsey scale. That being said, society has a stereotype of what they think is gay. Are stereotypes right? Probably not. Are they accurate over a wide spectrum? Probably. Stereotypes are standardized and simplified conceptions of people based on some prior assumptions or biases — a tendency. Most of these are good, but sometimes stereotyping can turn into discrimination if we misinterpret a bias and act upon it in a negative manner.
When I came out to my friends, some of them pre-apologized for continuing to use the phrase, “That’s gay.” I knew they’d make every effort to curb the phrase, but I also understand it’s part of today’s lexicon. I’m not making excuses for it, but even I’ve been guilty of using the phrase. I myself cringe when I hear someone say, “That’s gay,” but I also don’t take it as an attack on my sexuality. I examine their underlying intentions. It’s simply a regurgitation of something they picked up in elementary school. Now, if any of my friends called someone a faggot or referred to a feminine man as a fag, we’d have some serious issues. Fag is a derogatory term filled with hatred and bigotry. Gay is not.
Gay also has degrees. I have been told on occasion I am “the right amount of gay.” People have a tolerance level. To some, a flamboyant gay man is obnoxious. I don’t attribute that to his sexuality, and I really don’t think they do either. They attribute their feelings to the level of outward exhibition. I would have the same feeling about a loud brash straight woman who makes a big kill and fuss in public. So, is there such a things as too gay? Yes.
I know I’m going to get flack for this, but when a gay man says another man is too gay, he’s simply stating his rules of attraction. I myself find I am only attracted to masculine men. I often question why many gay men strongly exhibit their feminine side. Do they feel the need to exhibit feminine qualities because they are attracted to a man? That being said, I understand they are comfortable with themselves and living their life they way they want. I have no issue with this. I fully respect it. I admire it. I, however, am just not attracted to it. We can’t control whom we love. So when a homosexual man says, “He’s too gay,” really he’s just saying he’s too feminine. Society gave the term meaning. We can work to change the perceptions of the word, but we cannot simply remove them in one fell swoop.
What do you think? Do you agree with one of us or do you have a different opinion of your own. Let us know in the comments
Today I read a blog on a fellow bloggers page called “Why are you still single?”. It was written by a woman who I consider to be attractive, intelligent and independent. The story was that she kept meeting men who kept asking “Why are you still single?”. Eventually one of them turned around and said “I’ve figured it out, you don’t have any one because you don’t need anyone”. After consulting girlfriends they agreed men need to feel needed. There were so many good points in this blog but this point got me thinking.
Being a man myself I started to think “Do I need to be needed?” I thought back over all my past relationships and it was true for every single one. One of the main things all my past relationships had in common was I felt needed by the other person. In all the lists I have made or rules I have written about finding a partner this 1 key fact had never made it’s way on to the lists. How could I have missed something so simple?
When I think about it, it’s basically hard wired in to our DNA as men to be a provider for our families, partners and children. Since the birth of man, men have provided and women have nurtured. It’s only natural to want to provide for your partner and therefore be needed by them.
This got me thinking further though, how does this feeling of being needed transpire into gay relationships? I know everyone, men and women, want to feel needed but how does it work when both partners need to be needed in the exact same way? I know from experience that some of my relationships have been a constant wrestling match for who gets to be the provider in the relationship. I have, at times felt emasculated when I have had to back down and let someone provide for me. So how does a gay relationship come to a balance where both partners get to fulfil their role as “the man” and therefore fulfil their natural instinct of feeling needed?
I’d love to know your ideas. Let me know in the comments below!