Believe in your selfie

Forgive me father, for I have blog sinned. I have not posted a blog in almost a month even after proclaiming to the Internet that I would return to this blog.

I could say that I have been busy, I have been working on new material, I have been toiling away on unpublished blogs. However this would be all lies. I have just been having a lot of fun!

I hope one day soon to write more, but until that day I hope I can stay in touch with all my blog buddies from around the world. To see what I’ve been up to find me on Instagram @timotheelee or click here Continue reading

I’m famous on the Internet and didn’t even know it

Once upon a time there was a little gay boy who wrote all his thoughts on the Internet. He assumed that they would end up like 99% of the Internet and they would just drift off into cyberspace where nobody would ever read them ever again.

Today, on a random Thursday while sitting at my desk thinking of ways to while away my lunch break, I thought to myself “I should check out that old blog I used to write”. To my absolute shock, it had not drifted off into cyberspace. It had been read. A lot. By thousands and thousands of people. 2 years later, people were reading things about my life that I barely even remembered.

At first I panicked! What had I written? What had I put out there for people to read. Who were these people reading about my life? What did they know about me? While I was quite happy to share every aspect of my life with the world back then, that mind set did not reflect the person I am now. I had grown and changed and was so different from the person who wrote those posts.

After reading through a few of the posts cringing so hard that I wished the earth would just open up and swallow me whole, I got around to reading comments and emails from people who had read my posts. It was overwhelming the amount of people that said my experiences had resonated with them and even helped them. It was also kind of amazing to step back in time and see exactly where my head was at 2 years earlier.

I had never imagined that I would return to this blog but sometimes the best experiences in life are the ones you never imagined…

Money Money Money

Before the cowboy, there was the punk. I didn’t really think he was much of a punk but he very much liked to think of himself as one so I went with it. He was about 5 years younger than me but we were very much on the same level of maturity. While the cowboy left me with scratches and bruises, the punk left me crippled with internal bleeding. In actuality he left me with swelling on the brain after running me over with his car one night.  Yeah….. we were that dramatic couple.

We were on and off so often that at times even I found it hard to keep up with where we were at. We would fight and do the most dispicable things to each other and then go right on back to being Ty and the punk as if nothing had ever happened. This went on for over 2 years and by the end I was a shell of my former self. I had tried everything to make it work but in the end I realised you just cant turn dog shit into diamonds.

For most of the time that we were together I had a failing business. It constantly kept me down emotionally and mentally. I always felt like I wasnt a good enough provider and therefore a good enough boyfriend. Although in the end I realised that things were shit, there was still always a small part of me that thought “If I had money, maybe things would have been different”. That stupid thought planted itself deep in my brain and eventually became a belief. Somehow I started to believe that if I was to ever have a boyfriend again that I needed money…. and lots of it. The more money I had, the more guys that would be interested in me.

So recently I met this guy. We started chatting and he seemed really nice. It wasnt until after our first date that I realised this guy was easily the richest guy I had ever dated and not by a little bit either. He would be easily 10 times richer than the second richest dude I’ve dated. (Not that I only date rich dudes, my last boyfriend was unemployed) Anyway, this guy had all this money but he had no success with guys or relationships. I couldnt understand it. As I got to know him better I started to see why. While he absolutely ticked the box of being successful, other boxes like personality, humour and fitness were left very blank. He was everything that I wanted to be, my idea of “the ideal man” and yet even I didnt want to date him.

It made me realise that even if I do make a tonne of money. If I ignore all the other aspects of my life then guys still wont want to be with me. Im even starting to think that maybe a lot of guys dont put success at the top of their list when looking for a boyfriend. Maybe things like sense of humour, hot body, able to hold a conversation, great in bed are more important? What is the most important thing you look for in a guy?

Lesson for today: Having the perfect bank balance wont make me happy but being happy will make me perfect.

16 Months

*Warning – If you are related to me or don’t want to know intimate details of my sex life you should probably skip today’s post*

In previous posts I have spoken of my celibacy or ‘dry spell’. It has now been 16 months of me not having sex, a long time by anyone’s standards. It has probably been the longest dry spell I have had since I have been out. In the start it was by choice. After yet another failed relationship I decided I didn’t want to sleep with anyone else until I met “The One”. In the start it was kind of refreshing. I had a lot more spare time to do things I enjoyed. I never had to sit around starring at my phone thinking “Will he call?” “Maybe he didn’t like that thing I did with my tongue, maybe that’s why he isn’t calling, maybe I’m weird.” Best of all though, for the first time in a long time I could focus on making me happy, not trying to make someone else happy.

It had been a long time since I had focused on me and it was long overdue. You see, I came out at what I consider quite late, the ripe old age of 21. By this stage all my friends had been playing the dating game for a fair few years and now that I had all my shit sorted, I felt like I had some catching up to do. I had the older boyfriend, the rich boyfriend, the clingy boyfriend, the fuck buddy, the casual fuck, the threesome and way too many one night stands, all within my first year of coming out. You could say I made up for lost time. By the end of that year, I was lost, confused and broken hearted.

While I enjoyed exploring my sexuality, finding out what I do like and what I don’t like, it wasn’t me. It didn’t fit with who I was as a person. I was most definately the boyfriend type. I liked the snuggling in bed and the kissing and all the cute shit that came with having a boyfriend. So I started to settle down. I had the long distance boyfriend, the young boyfriend, the emotionally distant boyfriend, the young boyfriend again and then the cowboy. By the end of a pile of failed relationships I was the one left feeling like a failure. Which is when I decided the whole thing was just too damn hard and started my vow of celibacy.

In the past 16 months of putting a lot more effort into me, I’ve grown as a person. I’ve accomplished things in my career that I never thought possible, Ive made some of the best friends, I’ve built this blog, I’ve moved into my own home and started renovating it. I’ve made more progress in my life than ever before. But now that all the other areas of my life are coming together, I feel now more than ever that I am ready to end the “dry season”. My problem now is, I don’t feel like I’m quite ready for another relationship, and I’ve done the meaningless sex thing when I was younger and didn’t enjoy it. So what’s a man to do? Do I give casual sex another go (I might like it as an adult) Or do I just wait until I am ready for another relationship? Is there a happy medium that I am blissfully unaware of?

Should I be friends with my closeted ex boyfriend?

Dear Ty
I was recently in a relationship with a guy. We both really liked each other and hit it off really well. Everything was great until he broke up with me. He told me that deep down he wanted a wife and kids and was going to pursue that. We were each other’s first real relationship. He told me we could still be friends. So, we’re friends and he’s still wrestling with his sexuality. The big thing for him is he does not want to lose the acceptance and respect from his family if he lives out his sexuality. His parents do not accept him because of their beliefs. I want to live my life to the fullest as a gay man and have the relationship with another man that I have always dreamed of. What should I do?
 
Lesley
 
Hi Lesley,
 
Thanks for writing to me. I feel there are 2 main parts to this email. Being friends with your ex and dating a closet. Let me start with being friends with an ex.
 
I dont think being friends with an ex straight after you have broken up is ever a good idea for anyone. If you have really made a connection with someone, that doesnt disolve over night (no matter how much sometimes you wish it would). Once a connection has been made it takes time for those feelings and emotions to settle and sometimes it can take a very long time. Going into a friendship with all those feelings and emotions simmering away is a recipe for disaster. It usually alwasy ends up in fights and arguements and someone getting hurt. Dont get me wrong, some people can do it, but be very honest with yourself. If you are not one of those people who can easily shut down your feelings then friends after a break up is not a good idea.
 
Now the second problem you have here is dating someone in the closeted guy. This is extremely difficult because its something our straight counterparts dont have to deal with so it can be very hard at times to find good advice on the matter. My opinion is that unless you like being hurt or find being dumped for no reason fun, then you should never date a closeted guy. If someone is in the closet it is generally because they havent yet come to terms with who they are. They are in for a long rocky road of self discovery, and call me crazy but I dont think a rocky road is the best place to build the foundations of a relationship on. My best advice is to keep loving yourself and keep an eye out for someone who is ready and in the right mindset to start something. If it is really meant to be with this other guy then maybe once he has come to terms with his sexuallity and found who he is things will pan out for the two of you.
 
I hope that helped and rememeber if anyone ever has any questions don’t be afraid to email ty@ty-curious.com