My Year Without Gay

If your a regular reader of my blog you would have heard me mention “The Cowboy” a few times. He was my last boyfriend. We met in August 2010 and sparks flew. Things progressed pretty quickly and before I knew it we were boyfriends. For this to happen though, he had 1 rule for me….. No Gay Stuff. Confusing right? I wasn’t allowed to have any gay friends, go any gay places, get spray tans or do anything else considered gay. Normally if someone told me what I could and couldn’t do I would tell them to go f*#K themself but I enjoyed what was happening with me and the cowboy. We would hang out on friends farms, ride horses, go 4 wheel driving and just do normal guy stuff. It was a lot of fun and I figured since I had been doing “Gay Stuff” for years and it hadnt lead me to happiness, I may as well give it a try.

6 months later the cowboy and I broke up. My first instinct was “Yay I can do gay stuff again”. I thought about it for a few days and I wasnt sure that I wanted to. I enjoyed just doing the stuff I was doing and the person I had become. I was fairly happy and I didnt want to change that. I had already done 6 months without gay stuff but I had been in a relationship that whole time, it was going to be a lot harder to do it single. I thought about it and decided that I would keep going and do a year without gays. I know this seems like self inflicted torture but I wanted to find who I was, not who I thought I had to be to fit in with the gay people that I knew. 

I completed the next 6 months and by the time it was over I was more than ready to reassimilate into the gay world. I jumped back on the gay dating websites and gay apps. I even went gay clubbing for a night. I thought I would just slip right back into how things used to be but that wasn’t the case. I had changed, I had found a whole new side to myself and it didnt really gel with my old life. I was surprised, it felt like a good thing and like I had grown. The problem being, I now felt more distant from the gay community than ever before. I felt alone and isolated. Hence Ty Curious was born. I created the blog to find new ways of connecting with the gay community. So far the response has been amazing and my heart has been blown away by all the love that you guys in the cyber world have for my writing. But I still sometimes feel alone in the real world. I miss having gay friends to giggle with, I miss having boys to crush on. I have been trying grindr and other dating sites and as you all know that hasn’t been playing out to well for me. So my question today is, Where do you find other gay guys to hang with?

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Breaking the rules

I have a lot of rules that I tend to live by. Some of them are silly like “Dont ever get drunk and eat a McDonalds spicy chicken burger” and some of them are more serious like “Wait at least 3 dates before sleeping with someone”. All my rules have been made based on bad experiences in the past and to prevent future pain.

One of my rules was “Don’t make friends with other gay guys”. I have quite a few reasons for this, so many in fact I decided to make a list.

1, No jealousy! If I do find a boyfriend at some point then I don’t have to deal with the jealousy or suspicions of my friendships with other gay men.

2, Its hotter! I read somewhere that one of the most attractive things was a gay guy with 0 friends in common on Facebook.

3, I can be me! I often find when I’m hanging out with gay dudes regularly I start changing the way I speak, the language I use and my mannerisms just to fit in.

4, Less dramatic! When I only run with straights I seem to have a lot less drama in my life.

5, I don’t fuck my friends! When I have a really good gay friend I find it hard to think of reasons not to take things further. By not hanging with other gay guys I avoid this situation completely.

So as you can see I have quite a few reasons why I don’t mingle with my own kind and so far my rule has worked for me.

A few days ago, I put up my latest blog and received an email from a blog buddy. It said “Hey bud, seems like you need a friend to talk to.” He was right. We chatted for a long time and afterwards I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. This guy gave me something that I had needed for a very long time. Understanding, and not the kind of understanding where someone can imagine how hard your situation might be but the kind of understanding where they know because they have been through the exact same stuff.

I have been missing out. I may have all my rules and reasons but I’m ready to break them because this guy taught me that a gay man’s gay friends are an important part of his life.

With the new year approaching, I’m left wondering what other rules should I change for 2012? Let me know your 2012 changes in the comments below!