Should I be friends with my closeted ex boyfriend?

Dear Ty
I was recently in a relationship with a guy. We both really liked each other and hit it off really well. Everything was great until he broke up with me. He told me that deep down he wanted a wife and kids and was going to pursue that. We were each other’s first real relationship. He told me we could still be friends. So, we’re friends and he’s still wrestling with his sexuality. The big thing for him is he does not want to lose the acceptance and respect from his family if he lives out his sexuality. His parents do not accept him because of their beliefs. I want to live my life to the fullest as a gay man and have the relationship with another man that I have always dreamed of. What should I do?
 
Lesley
 
Hi Lesley,
 
Thanks for writing to me. I feel there are 2 main parts to this email. Being friends with your ex and dating a closet. Let me start with being friends with an ex.
 
I dont think being friends with an ex straight after you have broken up is ever a good idea for anyone. If you have really made a connection with someone, that doesnt disolve over night (no matter how much sometimes you wish it would). Once a connection has been made it takes time for those feelings and emotions to settle and sometimes it can take a very long time. Going into a friendship with all those feelings and emotions simmering away is a recipe for disaster. It usually alwasy ends up in fights and arguements and someone getting hurt. Dont get me wrong, some people can do it, but be very honest with yourself. If you are not one of those people who can easily shut down your feelings then friends after a break up is not a good idea.
 
Now the second problem you have here is dating someone in the closeted guy. This is extremely difficult because its something our straight counterparts dont have to deal with so it can be very hard at times to find good advice on the matter. My opinion is that unless you like being hurt or find being dumped for no reason fun, then you should never date a closeted guy. If someone is in the closet it is generally because they havent yet come to terms with who they are. They are in for a long rocky road of self discovery, and call me crazy but I dont think a rocky road is the best place to build the foundations of a relationship on. My best advice is to keep loving yourself and keep an eye out for someone who is ready and in the right mindset to start something. If it is really meant to be with this other guy then maybe once he has come to terms with his sexuallity and found who he is things will pan out for the two of you.
 
I hope that helped and rememeber if anyone ever has any questions don’t be afraid to email ty@ty-curious.com
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EX SEX

Recently an ex of mine hit me up for some fun and it got me thinking….. Is sex with the ex like a tissue? Once you have blown in it you throw it away, or is it more like a handkercheif where you can blow in it, wash it and then blow in it again? Normally Im a fan of sex with the ex. Its comfortable, you know them, its not awkward like hooking up with a stranger, they know what you like and the list of reasons for it keep going on. So normally I would be all for this, but I started thinking….. Am I going to meet my prince charming while Im wasting my time with an ex? Probably not, and if I did, how awkward would that be when things got serious “oh yeah when we were first dating I was still fucking my ex”. Im pretty sure that sentence would be enough to damage, if not end the healthiest of relationships. Im a big believer in that if you want something in your life, you have to make room for it. So from now on Im making room for Mr Right, instead of having fun with Mr Oh So Wrong. What do you think? Is sex with the ex a fun way to kill a few hours or is it just a massive waste of time? Hit me up on facey with what you think.