Well the past 12 hours have been eventful to say the least. After my last post “Stereotype” was posted the grindr guy who I was talking about in it, read it. Although I don’t think I said anything nasty or horrible about him and that I explained the situation fairly, he didnt feel the same way.
While sitting in my office working I glanced over at my phone and saw I had a text. I tapped on it and what appeared on the screen was the longest text message I have seen in my life. I have had bad break ups with partners of years and received long ranty abusive messages but what I received today beat those by a long shot. There was accusations that I wasn’t the person I portray myself to be as Ty Curious, threats to out me for who I “really am” and abusive language. One of the scariest parts was that he says he has screen shots of every single conversation we have ever had, I dont know about you but at this point I’m starting to get visions of Fatal Attraction and Single White Female. It all wrapped up in telling me how I should be less judgemental, how I could improve my life and be more like him and just generally giving me advice on how to change.
Well, When I want to be a 30 year old pot smoking loser who is far too needy I’ll be sure to re read that text message and take the advice on board. But until then I think I’ll stick to what I did which was buy an app which blocks any future messages or calls coming through from that number. Best 99 cents I ever spent! An investment that I’m sure I will need to use again in the future if I continue to use grindr.
It’s scary to think the kind of people you open yourself up to on these kind of apps and dating sites. It makes sense that after rejection upon rejection that even perfectly normal guys are going to turn a bit weird. This guy may be perfectly normal and maybe I was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Maybe hes a star chaser and knew that if he kept pushing my buttons enough he would get his very own blog written about him. Maybe he just never grew up and accepted that sometimes some people just dont like you and dont want to be your friend no matter how hard you force it. Whatever it is, I dont really care.
At this point you may all be thinking that I’m being quite heartless to this guy. Many of you would know me as a bit of a softy and a romantic and have never really seen this side of me. It’s not a side that I’m proud of or that I think anyone should encourage but after years of dealing with dating sites you start to develop a pretty tough skin to this sort of thing. It’s only natural that people react badly when they feel rejected and unfortunately if your the one doing the rejecting your quite often the target of their rage. You tend to get over feeling bad for them pretty damn fast. So in reply to stalker boys claim of “I’m not who I portray myself to be as Ty Curious”, your right! Sometimes I just dont give a fuck! Sometimes I’m mean and sometimes I’m rude. I dont always do the right thing and there are sides to my personality that aren’t very nice. But I think at the end of the day, every single person I know would class me as a good person. Even most of the readers of this blog would have a pretty similar opinion of me.
And to prove Im not a total asshole, Stalker Boy if you are reading this too, I give you right of reply. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your version of events and I will post them for all the world to see.
The other day I wrote a blog about being gay and it not being a choice. In there I wrote about how it is harder to find a partner. Some idiot decided to tell me that it’s not harder. So today I’m here to prove them wrong. With maths! Exciting right?…. Ok just stick with me.
Let’s say the entire population is 100%. 50% male, 50% female. I’m already down to 50%. Most study’s agree that between 2 and 3 percent of males are gay. So that makes 1.5% of the population gay males.
Let’s say I agreed to date anywhere from 7 years younger than me to 7 years older. That’s 17% of the population. So now gay males in my age bracket are 0.08%.
I, like most people don’t find every single person attractive. So let’s factor in some standards. Let’s say I find 1 in 10 people attractive (which I don’t think is high standards by any means) that’s 10% of the population. So, gay men in my age bracket that I would be attracted to are 0.008% of the population.
But we all know not everyone out there is completely normal. There are liars, cheats and deadbeats. There are guys with too much baggage and guys that are just down right crazy. I’m going to be kind at this point and say 25% would fall into this category (if you have ever been on grindr you will know its a lot higher than that). So we are now down to 0.006%
You may have 0.006% to like but not everyone is going to like you back. Depending on how you look, how much baggage you have and how well you hide your own crazy you could have anywhere for 1% to 99% of guy like you back. For the sake of completing this article, I would say if half the dates you went on the guy liked you back then you are doing pretty well. So let’s go with half which makes it 0.003%
So unless you date someone a lot older or a lot younger, date someone you don’t find attractive, date someone who is crazy or try to pursue something thats one sided, You have 0.003% chance of meeting someone.
So next time someone gets up in your grill about who your dating, your lack of dating or anything to do with your love life tell them to BACK THE FUCK OFF, because I think whatever you are doing, you are doing the best with the 0.003% you were given.
So after my date with HP I was feeling down and felt like giving up but I knew I had to keep trying. It was after all my first date in almost a year. So I hopped back on to grindr and one of the other guys I had been talking to was on there. Lets call him Pluck because intially I didnt want to give him a chance because it looked like he had over plucked his eye brows in his profile pic. Pluck started messaging me and once I showed a little interest the messages became a lot more frequent. He seemed to have a fairly good body, had a similar job to me and besides the whole eyebrow thing, was fairly attractive. I was sure I could look past it.
Pluck started texting me fairly frequently and was getting keen to meet up. I was a little hesitant after my HP disaster but thought hey why not, cant get any worse. Or at least I thought it couldn’t. I told him to come up to the cafe down the road from my house and he gladly obliged. I got ready and looked pretty good, I was happy and confident which is fairly unusual for me on a first date, Im normally a nervous wreck. I got there, waited and he arrived shortly after. We grabbed coffee’s and sat down at a booth. While waiting I noticed that over all he was a fairly attractive guy but for some reason I kept picking up every tiny little off putting detail. Teeth that were a little bit too big, over freckley skin, a giant mole on his arm the size of a 5 cent peice. I told myself to quit it as I was sure that I was just being over picky to try and protect myself from being disappointed again. Besides, he wasn’t a total minger. He was incredibly fit with a 6 pac, huge arms, pecs and nice eyes. I probably had time to notice all these things while he was talking, and talking, and talking. It was hard to get a word in. But once again against my better judgement I thought I was just being over judgemental.
After a few hours of talking I had to wind things up because I needed to get some sleep before work the next day. I had walked to the cafe and Pluck said he would drop me home, It was cold and late so I agreed. We got into the car and he turned to me and said “Can I kiss you?”. I thought, that is strange to ask first but went with it because I hadnt been kissed in a while so who was I to start being picky. What happened next still flashes in my head. He slowly pulled back from the kiss, had his face 2 inches away from mine and softly whispered “Hello”. It was the most awkward thing anyone had ever done to me. I awkwardly smiled, pulled my head away and started a conversation to distract from the awkwardness. He started driving me home and as we talked I asked him “When was your last boyfriend?” He went quiet. I thought for a second and then asked “Have you ever had a boyfriend?” He looked at me and replied “No”. By this stage we were out the front of my house and I was looking for a quick get away. He then said “I have never been in a relationship” and started to sob. It was even more awkward than the “hello”. Im pretty sure a grown man crying is the most awkward thing ever. I tried to reassure him that it was ok and I knew a lot of people our age that had never had boyfriends. I did my best to comfort him but needed to escape ASAP! I kept reassuring him that it was alright and when his mood seemed to change I started yawning and said I had to go to sleep. I jumped into bed and within a minute I had a text from him.
The next morning I woke up, got ready and headed into work. Within the first hour I had a text and from then on the texts flowed fairly frequently throughout the day. I was busy at work and was giving short answers. I told my workmates and they gave me the advice to cut him loose now before things got messy.
I waited until that night when I could give my full attention. I tried to break it gently but how do you ever tell anyone that your not interested without hurting them? He didn’t take it well. The messages came flooding in, faster than I could even read them. I eventually had to just turn my phone off.
I felt bad, I didn’t want to be the bad guy but there just seemed to be way too many issues there for me to see any chance of having a good relationship. What do you think? Would you have given him a chance? Am I being too fussy? Let me know in the comments below.
I lost my licence 2 weeks ago so I have decided to sell my car. Today I was going through it cleaning it all out. Pulling out every little peice of crap that has gathered in there over the past 4 years. It was actually a pretty cool experience, rumaging through the last 4 years of memories. There was old pay slips from old jobs that I had forgotten I had even worked at, My big dogs first puppy vaccination papers, and then I saw this envelope with the name of an old boyfriend I had years ago written across it. I couldn’t even remember what was inside it or ever even writing it. I ripped it open and looked inside and there was the sweetest note that made my heart skip a beat. I obviously had never given it to him but Im glad I didnt. When things ended between us he did and said things to make me think that I was crazy and even worse… I believed it!! Sometimes when someone breaks up with you they will try and discredit you or make you out to be crazy so they can justify dumping you. No one wants to be the heartless dumper so if they can justify it, then its a whole lot easier for them. At the time I remember believing every word he said about me. Finding that note now and being in a complete different headspace with all that hurt and anger now long gone, I see that I wasnt crazy, I was actually a pretty sweet guy. At the end of the day if someone wants to dump you, thats their choice and you have to respect that, but what you dont have to do is believe the things they say about you to make themselves feel better!