Why Penises are like Presents

**Warning, today’s blog is quite graphic so if you are underage, easily offended or a family member of mine you probably don’t want to read on**

It may be my inner slut but when I make out with a guy I immediately begin to wonder what his penis looks like. Is it big or small, thick or thin, cut or uncut, straight or bent, good looking or ugly. There are so many different combinations of all these different attributes that you almost never know what your going to get!

I have come to think of seeing a penis for the first time like unwrapping a Christmas present. Unwrapping a package to reveal something good makes me super excited and I can’t wait to use my new toy! On the other hand it can also be like receiving a bad present when you unwrap the package to reveal something very disappointing and you have to pretend that you like it!

Like there is gift giving etiquette there is also penis etiquette. Here are some of my rules for gift giving.

1, Don’t open too many presents. If you open presents every day it will become boring and lose it’s excitement.

2, Don’t let too many people unwrap your package. Nobody wants a gift that everyone else has already played with!

3, Make him wait! Remember when you were little and you spent days or even weeks shaking that gift under the Christmas tree in anticipation of the big day? Excitement builds over time, use it to your advantage to build excitement over your package.

Do you have any more rules? Let me know yours in the comments!


To Fuck or Not to Fuck?

So as you may already know, (If you follow my facebook page ——>) my phone got stolen out of my locker at the gym about a month ago. I had to go through the long process of getting a replacement phone, but my phone company finally came through with the goods and delivered a brand new shiny white Iphone 4 to my work. It was all pretty exciting except for the fact that I never ever sync my phone (who can be bothered, it takes so long!) so there was no point in hooking it up to my computer and syncing it. So I have been walking around with a blank Iphone, slowly remembering apps and things that I like and putting them back on. 
Today, while extremely bored on the train I remembered Grindr. So I logged on and because I was fresh meat on there, I was flooded with messages. I forgot about how many people message you straight out asking for sex. Now Im not going to pretend Im an angel. I have testoterone flowing through my veins just like any other guy. I have urges or needs or whatever you like to call them, but if you have read my other blogs you will know I have made a decision to wait for Mr Right. If you have read my other blogs you will also know that it has been a very long time since I’ve had sex. As time goes on I’m starting to wonder more and more, Am I doing the right thing or Am I just depriving myself?
I would like to have sex again, I mean, its fun and I like it (Im not a complete weirdo!), but I just dont think Im one of those people who can go out and have sex for the sake of sex. I have had casual sex before but, I dont really like it. I always say “Sex without feelings is like beer without alcohol, theres just no point to it”. I’m not saying its wrong, or that you are a bad person if you do it. I am simply saying, it’s not for me. I almost wish it was, things would be alot easier! I have a friend who has alot of sex for the sake of sex and he says that afterwards he feels empowered and good about himself. When I do it I dont feel good about it at all. Is it just built in to me as a person? Is it something I can change? I think it comes down to what I do and don’t like, I know I like waking up to the same face every day. I know I don’t like looking at my phone wondering if I will ever hear from “that guy I fucked last week” ever again. Maybe its just my perspective on it that is stopping me from enjoying it? Or maybe its time to accept myself, admit that this is who I am and embrace it. What do you think? Can I change and more importantly, Should I change? Let me know in the comments below or connect with me on facebook, twitter or any of the links to your right.

I Havent Had Sex In…..

It’s been 7 hours and 15 days, since you took your love away….. Sinead O’Conner once sang in her song Nothing Compares to You. Well for me its been more like 7 months and 15 days since I broke up with my last boyfriend (Im totally not counting, thats a rough guess) and Im cool with that, things change, people move on, things happen for a reason. I have had enough time to accept all that. The problem being in that time, I havent had sex…….. at all. I think this is the longest I have gone without sex since I came out. Not that Im a slut or anything. I have always believed that guys wanna fuck the sluts but marry the saints, so I have always been very selective about who I sleep with. Nobody wants to go to the club that anyone can get into, yet people will line up in the cold, all night, to get into the club where they only let a select few in. Thats the theory I have always applied anyway.
After 7 months though, theres an itch that needs to be scratched and I started thinking, have I got it all wrong? Am I missing out on a good thing because of holding onto my prudish ways? These thoughts have been kicking about in my mind for at least the past month and then I saw this quote on twitter by @singlegaylife “Have you ever noticed sluts are always the nice guys? Prude guys are always bitches.” My instant reaction was No Way! and then I started thinking about some of the guys I knew who were a bit more, lets say, experienced, and in general they were overall happier, nicer, more carefree guys. I know all my worries seem to melt away when I’m getting some action and they do say sex is a great stress reliever. Maybe being less stressed from more sex equals a happier life, maybe I have had it all wrong all this time.
I am by no means saying to go out and sleep with as many people as you can or that being a slut is good or even ok, but what I am starting to think is that maybe being a prude isn’t healthy either. Maybe theres a middle ground? Lifes all about balance and I’m starting to think that this is any area of my life that is imbalanced.
What do you think? Is sleeping around good for you? Is it all just a bit of harmless fun or do you think sex is for husbands only? Let me know in the comments below or hit me up on one of the links to your right.


Recently an ex of mine hit me up for some fun and it got me thinking….. Is sex with the ex like a tissue? Once you have blown in it you throw it away, or is it more like a handkercheif where you can blow in it, wash it and then blow in it again? Normally Im a fan of sex with the ex. Its comfortable, you know them, its not awkward like hooking up with a stranger, they know what you like and the list of reasons for it keep going on. So normally I would be all for this, but I started thinking….. Am I going to meet my prince charming while Im wasting my time with an ex? Probably not, and if I did, how awkward would that be when things got serious “oh yeah when we were first dating I was still fucking my ex”. Im pretty sure that sentence would be enough to damage, if not end the healthiest of relationships. Im a big believer in that if you want something in your life, you have to make room for it. So from now on Im making room for Mr Right, instead of having fun with Mr Oh So Wrong. What do you think? Is sex with the ex a fun way to kill a few hours or is it just a massive waste of time? Hit me up on facey with what you think.