If you have been following my story you will know that I live in one of the smaller Capitol cities in Australia. It has a small gay scene consisting of 1 pub and 1 club. A few years ago I had decided that I had my fill of the scene and stopped going. While I enjoyed it in the start, eventually it left me feeling more isolated than ever.
I reached out to other gay guys through Grindr but that never turned out to well. During the same time period I gained some weight and when I did feel ready to go back to the scene I felt like I couldn’t. I felt like no one would want me the way I looked now and I just couldn’t handle going to the club and having that confirmed. I couldn’t handle walking out knowing that not one guy even looked my way because I had let myself go.
Lucky for me I have some pretty amazing girlfriends. After a night of drinks n dinner for a friends birthday on the weekend my girls dragged my butt up the road to the gay pub. I was nervous, I felt sick, my stomach was doing backflips. We had a bit to drink and I was ready to hit the dance floor. If I wasn’t going to get hit on I was at least going to have fun!
We started dancing near a podium at the front of the club. That’s when I spotted one of the hottest guys I had ever seen. He was tall, muscular, tan with dark hair and was wearing a blue shirt. There was no way someone like that would be interested in someone like me but at least I could look. I kept dancing with my friends and eventually my group of friends was right next to his group of friends. Next thing I knew he was dancing up against me. I froze, I didn’t know what to do. In my head there was no way a guy like him could like a guy like me, but it was happening. Still confused I didn’t make a move and he moved away. I went out to smoke with my friends and shortly he followed. My girlfriends started talking to him and I got to shy and moved away. I couldn’t believe I had blown it again. The club closed pretty soon after that and I didn’t see him again.
I had a good time with my friends for the rest of the night and we all headed home together. I woke up the next morning and the conversation turned to blue shirt. Although I regretted not making a move, I was happy. I had been telling myself for a long time that I was too ugly or fat for anyone to hook up with. I had been using it as an excuse and letting it hold me back from doing things. Blue shirt proved that I was wrong and this is one circumstance where I’m very happy to be proved wrong.