After surpressing the truth about who I was for so long I was in a bad place. I was drinking a lot, taking all sorts of drugs as well as anti depressants. I was doing anything I could to just numb all the feelings. I was growing more and more tired of fighting against everything that was going on in my head. I was tired of keeping secrets and living lies.
One night me and T decided to hit the clubs with a few other mates. T met this girl and we all went back to one of our mates places. We all ended up sitting around a table drinking beers and talking shit. The table goes quiet and the girl turns to me and says “So how long have you been gay for?” I almost shat my pants. I was speechless. Never in my life had anyone just called me out on my sexuallity. Still in shock and unable to speak I hear all my mates start saying “What the fuck are you talking about? Ty aint gay” I agreed with them and then they all really went in to bat for me. They all told this girl how far off she was. I was so happy that at least if I was falling apart on the inside that I must have been keeping up appearances on the outside.
That girl soon enough became part of our group and me and her became fairly close. I thought I had convinced her of my sexuality and everything was fine. Boy was I wrong! A few months later after a big night at the pub me and her ended up going home together just the two of us. We sat in the lounge room and chatted for a bit. It was about 1 in the morning and I had to be up at 5 for work so I said I better head to bed. As I got up she tackled me to the ground and said “I know your gay and I’m not letting you go to bed until you admit it”. I couldn’t believe it. I argued and denied it but she wasn’t having a bar of it. I was so tired and drunk and I guess I had been wanting to say something for a while so I finally blurted out “Im Bi”, pushed her off and charged to my bedroom.
Within a couple of days all our friends knew and everyone took it surprisingly well. I was so worried how T would take it as he was my best mate and the straightest man alive. He took it as good as the rest. I couldn’t believe it, I was finally free of all the bullshit. The more people found out the more I found out that nobody cared. I had put myself through years of tourment for nothing. I soon gained the courage to ditch the Bi tag and fully admitted I was gay. I was finally free to be me! I would go on to have many adventures in my new life as a gay man but they are stories for another day….