What a man

Coming out is a difficult process. A massive part of it is conquering the fear that your friends and family won’t accept you for who you are. Generally, or at least in my case, I found that once I overcame that fear I was free to be me. It’s a very freeing experience. All of a sudden all of societies expectations of who you should be no longer apply. You can do whatever and be whoever you are.

One of the hardest things I found was that society generally has 2 distinct gender roles. Masculine and Feminine. Boys like blue, girls like pink. Boys like trucks and dirt, girls like barbies and ponies. This carries on into adulthood, men drink beer, women drink wine and so on and so on.

But what happens when you are no longer restricted by the likes and dislikes that society imposes on you based on your gender? You are free to blur the lines between these two however you may please. I know blurring gender lines isn’t exclusive to gay and lesbian people but I would definitely say that there is a higher rate of it. I know in my case when I did come out I explored the many options that where available to me because I no longer felt like “I can’t do that because I’m a boy”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a man and love being a man but I no longer felt societies persuasion in what it meant for me to be a man.

I like having a beard or at least stubble at all times. I like spray on tans. I like hard physical labour. I like art and being creative. I like wearing my dirty old ripped up jeans. I like wearing pink shirts. I like camping. I also like dancing. I’m my very own unique mix.

What your definition of being a man? Does it have anything to do with societies expectations or do you have your own definition?


6 thoughts on “What a man

  1. In my opinion, the impact of society’s expectations does not fall solely on us as individuals but more so as parents. It’s difficult for parents to NOT assign expectations to their offspring based on their perception of how the child will be welcomed into the world. Hopefully, young parents are becoming less concerned with what the world thinks of their parenting skills and more interested in the person that their child becomes.

    That being said, my definition of a man includes the confidence to be honest and true to his self … others be damned.

  2. I want to answer this but all I can come up with to explain my feelings is “masculine” – regardless of his interests. Lame answer I know.

  3. Hmmmmm, being a man…interesting question. I guess it’s owning the proper genitals. I was into theatre and band, and climbing and caving and camping – all before coming out as gay (but long after I knew). I think it’s better to define a person by their character than their gender identity or other traits. Mostly because of what you mentioned – I try not to judge or figure out a person based on things like that. I’d rather get to know them and their character. That defines a man, or a woman. Does this make any sense at all?

    Peace ❤

  4. What I find sad is an increasing sense that in some sectors of our community there is less of a tolerance for blurring traditional gender lines. Gay men who assert their right to be perceived as masculine by demeaning feminine traits in fellow gay men, for example. The dreaded term “straight-acting”.

  5. Very hot and sexy you are Ty! I’ve always like blond men (I guess by me being brunette, it would make sense). It always kills me with the masculine and feminine issue-on all gay websites, that’s what you always see. But how can some guys proclaim themselves as “100% masculine” when every gay/bi guy has at least a bit of fem in him? Me myself, I’m average in demeanor and not ashamed of it. Us gays need to wake up and smell the coffee-we’re at the bottom of society’s barrel as it is, so how can we be so judgmental and in some unfortunate cases, racist? It all just sickens me to my stomach that some of the people of my own orientation acts like that.

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