Weight A Minute

Recently I wrote a post called Hunger Games about my battle with weight. In it I spoke a lot about “I don’t know why I eat bad foods all the time”. It was basically a bit of a pitty party, me going “Wahh wah wah, I eat bad food all the time and I don’t know why”. Well today I would like to be honest with myself and with you. I know why I eat bad food all the time, I have known for a while. I know why I self sabotage myself at every opportunity. I have been pretending like I am the victim and I don’t know why this is happening to me but I feel like I need to be honest if I am ever going to stop this vicious cycle.

There are two parts to my weight problem, the physical and the mental. The physical part is that I now find myself addicted to sugar, salt and fat. I constantly crave these things. I now find myself so dependent on them that I have ridiculous mood swings and cravings if I don’t get my fix. The physical part will be a difficult battle but it is one I know I can win. The problem is there is no point in even starting that battle until I have conquered the mental part.

The mental part of my battle started a while ago. They say that people are motivated by 2 things, to gain pleasure or to avoid pain. All things we do are driven by 1 of these 2 things. In times where these 2 things conflict, which ever is the greatest desire will win out.

Well about 2 years ago I had my heart broken. It wasn’t the first time, but I sure as hell wasn’t used to it either. I was tired of turning into a complete mess. I was tired of watching my life crumble into pieces yet again. I was sick of feeling the worst pain I had ever felt in my life and promised myself I would never allow it to happen again.

The problem was, I knew myself and I knew I couldn’t be trusted. I loved falling in love. I loved hoping that this time was going to be my happily ever after. The hopeless romantic in me wasn’t going to go down without a fight. So my sub conscious quickly figured out a way around that. All of a sudden I grew this incredible hunger. I started craving things that I would never allow myself to eat before and I started eating them, by the truckload. Before I knew it my weight was going up and the amount of guys interested in me going down. The weight was keeping away the guys and therefore I would never have to feel the pain of heartbreak ever again.

For so long I wondered why I constantly self sabotaged everything I wanted by engaging in this unhealthy behavior. The happiness I was seeking to gain was constantly outweighed by the pain I was trying to avoid. It may seem completely crazy to some but I am sure there are a lot of people out there who can relate to what I am going through.

So what now? I’m not 100% sure. I’m hoping that by not only identifying the problem but also acknowledging it, that I have taken the first step towards winning this battle. If anyone else has been through something similar I would love to hear your story.

Gay Kiss

So for those of you who dont know I’m a ridiculously huge glee fan. It’s like inside me lives the gayest man alive and there is 2 times where he comes out. When I am drunk and when I am watching glee!

I was watching tonights episode and I have to say I am outraged! In it the 2 gay characters Kurt and Blaine where going through some dramas and they decided to see the school counsellor to sort things out. In the start there where some petty squables and then it turned and Blaine started pouring his heart out to Kurt about how much he loved him, about how he was scared to lose him. It definately tugged on my old hearts strings. He then turned to Kurt and says “Your the love of my life”. They both tear up, they lean towards each other and they….. hug!

Hug?!? Are you mother fucking serious? This guy has just poured out his heart and soul, They have both been deeply touched by this experience and they fucking hug! This shit is just not on. It was so unrealistic and had it been any other couple they would have kissed like any other normal person would in that situation.

Now I’m not angry at the makers of glee. They have done wonders in bringing gay rights to the attention of everyday people. Much more than their fair share and I give them credit for that. What upsets me is that we live in a world where they didnt feel comfortable, where it would have been to controversial to put in another gay kiss. It was a kick in the guts to think that in 2012 we still aren’t ready for that.

After being lifted so high by FINALLY seeing a realistic portrayal of what a gay couple really act like, to then have them hug was so disappointing. What do you think? Is society ready for another gay kiss or is it too soon?

I got called out!

Recently I was called out by “Ohshititsmar” on one of my posts. I bang on about wanting equality etc but when it comes down to it I still make my own divides in my own life between my “Gay World” and my “Straight World”. Its something that I really need to reassess. So when I found this video by Davey Wavey about calling out gay people I thought it was more than appropriate to share today.

Anzac Day

Today in Australia (and I’m assuming New Zealand too) it is a public holiday, Anzac Day. Today is the day we remember our soldiers. The day we give thanks for everything they went through so we could live the free lives that we live today. What those men gave up to make our lives better can never be repayed. Today I would like to dedicate my blog to the men and women who I will always owe my undieing gratitutde. Today I along with my fellow Australians say Thankyou.      They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning,
We will remember them.

Lest We Forget

The Bestie

Yesterday I mentioned that I recently had a friendship of 8 years fall apart. It happened a few weeks ago but it is something I felt like I couldnt really talk about until now. I came across a blog by Bee from SoAffected.com that I felt really related to my situation. So before reading todays story I’d recommend checking out yesterdays post first. If you are awesome and already read yesterdays post, then we are good to go.

Eight years ago I was a closeted gay boy desperately hanging on to any hope I had of being straight. It was a battle I was loosing but it was one that I was still fighting. One Friday night my mates and I went out to the same bar we would hit up every friday night to “get drunk and pick up chicks”. On this night my mate picked up this girl. We all ended up going back to a friends house to drink more beers and she tagged along. She ended up telling these ridiculous stories that had me in fits of laughter. This girl was absolutely crazy, she was mad, she was wild and I absolutely fucken loved it!

I couldnt get enough of her. We spent all our spare time together and eventually lived together. We were inseperable. Over the years we lived in different houses together, worked some of the same jobs and spent countless hours at each others jobs and houses when we werent doing the same thing. We would have our petty squables but would always make up as best friends do. Then one time in the middle of one of our petty squables she met someone, someone serious. When we made up I realised that this guy was a permanent fixture in her life. I was happy for her of course but at the same time I was gutted. I now had to share my friend with someone else, but even worse, I started to barely see her at all.

I tried to fill the void with a boyfriend. Actually a few different boyfriends. I didnt notice in the start, but by the third one I noticed a pattern emerging. As soon as I got a boyfriend the bestie would want to meet him and get to know him which I thought was wonderful. Then it would start. The ever so slight comments about how I could do better, about how I was just a little to good for this guy and eventually over the months it would gradually turn into her telling me what an absolute peice of shit my boyfriend is. Every time without fail this was the process.

Even though I started to see this pattern emerging, I decided to give the benefit of the doubt, she was my bestie after all. So it came to a point where I was done with relationships and decided I needed a break. Bestie was very happy with this. I however wasnt. Bestie still had the man, who was now a fianc’e and had less time for me than ever before. I made countless efforts but she was always too busy. I was cool with that. We are grown adults now and I could find other friends to spend time with. So I did. What happened next was very unexpected. Every time I met a new girlfriend that I liked spending time with, Bestie would swoop in and want to be best friends with her. She would then ring me up and tell me how much of a cunt they are and why I shouldnt be friends with them. She did it to K, R, L and finally S.

When she tried to do it to S I finally snapped. I couldnt do this any more. Anytime I found a boyfriend or friend that was a treat or “perceived threat” to our friendship the bestie would become enraged and start poisoning me against them. I’m sure bestie is doing all of this sub-conciously as I would hate to think she is the type of person who did those things purposefully, but I came to a point where I realised that if I was ever going to have any other healthy friendships or relationships it was going to be without her.

It’s crushing to close the door on an 8 year friendship but sometimes some people are best left in the past with fond memories than carried into your future to create bad ones.

Have you ever had a jealous friend? Was it hard to let go? Do you still have them in your life? How have you dealt with similar situations

Ty’s So Affected

Recently I had a friendship of 8 years fall apart. It was pretty brutal and got pretty nasty towards the end. Although it was definately overdue for that friendship to end, it still hurt like hell. It was one of the only things that I decided I wasnt going to talk about on Ty-Curious.com . I just felt like it was too fresh and wasn’t sure exactly where I stood about it. That was until I read this blog by Bee about the intricacies of a friendship between a gay man and his fag hag. So much of it related to the situation I have just been through that I decided that I had to share it. So without further ado please welcome my friend Bee from SoAffected.com with his post Hag Rivalry.

Friendship is a funny thing. To me, I believe you have to put as much effort into a friendship as you do with a relationship. It’s something that needs to be constantly worked at. But at the same time, it shouldn’t feel like work, and the rewards should be more than fulfilling.

Jealousy plays a part in relationships too, but in friendships it can be amplified. The friendship between a gay man and a woman is such a close bond and such a complimentary pairing. If another girl comes along that threatens the closeness or the “perceived closeness” of a friendship, then watch out, the knives come out!

Not to be one-sided, gay guys can be equally as hostile when their beloved hag (or fruit fly) develops a friendship with another gay guy. And as we know, girls and gay guys can both be bitchy as all hell when they want to be.

When you are younger, say in your late teens, I think you cling to the notion of having a “best friend,” someone that you actively promote to the world as being your absolute rock. It’s as if you want the whole world to know that you may be single, but you are definitely not alone because you have a special person who will always be there for you no matter what. Once you have found your best friend, there is a silent agreement between the two of you that, much like dating, you will be loyal and trustworthy and while you can have other friends, you can’t have other best friends.

As you grow older, however, you begin to realise that your life can be filled with the love and support of more than just one person. Sure, you can have some people that you are closer to than others. But personally, I have my little network of friends and the thing I love about them is that they are all completely different and bring completely different qualities to the friendship table.

I have two women in my life – and I love both of them unconditionally. I met one many years ago, and she was my first true faghag. Let’s call her Lily. Lily was literally one of the very first people I told that I was gay, and I know that no matter what happens and no matter how many petty squabbles, we will still always be there for each other. Speaking of petty squabbles, I met the second woman in my life, Hyacinth (who is my Fabulous Jae Elle), only a year and a half ago, during a time that I wasn’t speaking to Lily (due to a petty squabble). I wasn’t looking to replace Lily, but my bond with Hyacinth is truly special and I feel as if I have known her so much longer than I really have. My relationship with Hyacinth is what I would call needy HAHA. But good needy. We both have this abundance of love in our hearts and we have a very emotional relationship where we both share everything that just spills out of our hearts.

It wasn’t long because Lily re-entered my life, and all of a sudden she saw Hyacinth as a “replacement.” To some extent, it was true. Hyacinth had begun to fill the void that was missing during Lily’s absence. But Hyacinth was different. I missed Lily’s cheeky smile and personality just as much.

Although they both won’t admit it – there had always been a bit of a tension and rivalry between the pair. And I’m not going to name examples, but I often wanted to be all sleazy and be like “listen ladies, there is plenty of me to go around.” *wink*

Due to my amazing ability to manage and manuvoure around these kinds of situations, I have been able to get Lily and Hyacinth to attend a lot more events together. And you know what? When they both let their guards down they do actually get along! I am really glad they do. Because I love them both so much. And juggling friendships can be hard. When they are unified, I get to see them equally and there is so much stuff we can all do together.

As much as I hate to admit it, when either Lily or Hyacinth spend time with another gay guy, I feel like I flare up like a Siamese fighting fish. I get very defensive and wonder what they talk about, whether their bond is stronger than ours. I think to myself, is this new guy that she is hanging out with going to lead to me being pushed aside like an unwanted toy? I guess that’s the funny thing about human nature. Jealousy is a natural thing and as much as we don’t like to admit that we have jealous feelings, we have all experienced them at some point.

Discipline is the key though. I have learnt to control these silly feelings, because at the end of the day, I know that I am unique and let’s face it…can’t be replaced!

The Cowboy’s Trick

Regular readers of ty-curious.com you would have heard me mention the cowboy on a few occaisions. He was my last serious relationship. Things busted up between us about 14 months ago on fairly amicable terms but we both deleted each other from facebook.

When I first met the cowboy he laid down the law that if we wanted to be together there would be no going to go gay clubs or gay pubs and no hanging out in gay places or with gay people. At the time I had had my fill of the scene as was growing more and more tired of it. I also looked back at other relationships and realised how much other gay dudes had meddled in my relationships and made things far harder than they had to be, so I agreed to these terms. As time went on there was also a facebook clause added to the rules. I was asked to delete all gay people from my facebook, regardless of wheather they were friends or not. Eventually I reluctantly agreed.

Although I didnt want to completely cut myself off from all other gay people, I could see his point. If my past was anything to go by, being a gay couple and mingling with other gay guys was a constant source of jealousy and fighting which most of the time was spawned over nothing at all. He encouraged me to leave the gay world behind me and rejoin the real world. I appreciated it massively. It was one of the healthiest relationships I have ever had, no dramas, no complications just simple and easy. I learnt a lot from it and because of that I earned giant respect for the cowboy.

The problem was that when we broke up I was left alone, completely cut off from the gay world. I had deleted all my gay friends from facebook, I was unsure if I even had their phone numbers still. I could try re-adding them but would they want to accept after I deleted them for no reason? Would they want to talk to me after I cut them off for 6 months. I couldnt go out and meet new gay people because I had no one to go with. I was stuck and isolated. I have struggled to make new gay friends or reconnect old gay friendships and still feel very isolated. Luckily though, I have some pretty amazing straight people in my life that keep me going.

So last night I was cruising through facebook and the cowboys name popped up on a friend of a friends status. I couldnt help myself, I had to have a bit of a stalk. I was absolutely shocked. He had so many gay friends and all his statuses were about going out to the gay pub every weekend. I was stunned. I know people grow and change, and it had been over a year but, he had turned into the complete opposite person of the guy I used to know. I became enraged. He forced me out of that world and spent hours convincing me how bad it was for me and how I shouldnt be a part of it. It now seems that the second we broke up he just jumped straight back onto the gay scene and became a “Scene Queen”.

Im now left wondering, was I tricked? All the reasons I beleived to stay away where put into my head by him, the guy who is now there every weekend. I dont know what to beleive now. What do you think? Is it better to keep the company of straight people, Do you like to only surround yourself with other gays or Do you like a mix of both?