My Year Without Gay

If your a regular reader of my blog you would have heard me mention “The Cowboy” a few times. He was my last boyfriend. We met in August 2010 and sparks flew. Things progressed pretty quickly and before I knew it we were boyfriends. For this to happen though, he had 1 rule for me….. No Gay Stuff. Confusing right? I wasn’t allowed to have any gay friends, go any gay places, get spray tans or do anything else considered gay. Normally if someone told me what I could and couldn’t do I would tell them to go f*#K themself but I enjoyed what was happening with me and the cowboy. We would hang out on friends farms, ride horses, go 4 wheel driving and just do normal guy stuff. It was a lot of fun and I figured since I had been doing “Gay Stuff” for years and it hadnt lead me to happiness, I may as well give it a try.

6 months later the cowboy and I broke up. My first instinct was “Yay I can do gay stuff again”. I thought about it for a few days and I wasnt sure that I wanted to. I enjoyed just doing the stuff I was doing and the person I had become. I was fairly happy and I didnt want to change that. I had already done 6 months without gay stuff but I had been in a relationship that whole time, it was going to be a lot harder to do it single. I thought about it and decided that I would keep going and do a year without gays. I know this seems like self inflicted torture but I wanted to find who I was, not who I thought I had to be to fit in with the gay people that I knew. 

I completed the next 6 months and by the time it was over I was more than ready to reassimilate into the gay world. I jumped back on the gay dating websites and gay apps. I even went gay clubbing for a night. I thought I would just slip right back into how things used to be but that wasn’t the case. I had changed, I had found a whole new side to myself and it didnt really gel with my old life. I was surprised, it felt like a good thing and like I had grown. The problem being, I now felt more distant from the gay community than ever before. I felt alone and isolated. Hence Ty Curious was born. I created the blog to find new ways of connecting with the gay community. So far the response has been amazing and my heart has been blown away by all the love that you guys in the cyber world have for my writing. But I still sometimes feel alone in the real world. I miss having gay friends to giggle with, I miss having boys to crush on. I have been trying grindr and other dating sites and as you all know that hasn’t been playing out to well for me. So my question today is, Where do you find other gay guys to hang with?


3 thoughts on “My Year Without Gay

  1. Love this post. I only came out within the past 6 months and don’t fit the general mold of the gay community. I like my music indie and alternative, if I’m gonna dance I prefer unusual music, like oldies nights, and obscure mixes vs. britney, rihanna and the ilk, I spend very little time “dolling” myself up, I love sports, and I rarely go shopping. All stereotypical gay things I know, and I have the outlook on it of to each his own, but when it comes to finding gay men that are into the things I’m into and accept me for having those interests and traits, it can be difficult.

  2. Wow that was odd. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyways, just wanted to say great blog!

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