Dry Humping

So a few weeks ago I was going all “Destiny’s Child – Independent Women” and ranting about being single and how 2012 is going to be my year of independence and singledom. At the time I meant it, and it is something I would like to achieve for myself this year. But….. I get bored and grindr does entertain me. Sometimes I just want to giggle at some of the crazies, sometimes I just want someone to talk to and other times I straight out just need attention.

So I’m flicking through profiles and I got a message from this guy. He’s my age, very handsome, has a very good job, and seems like a nice guy. We start chatting and he seems nice enough. We keep talking for about a week and eventually he asks me out on a date. I panic because I wasn’t going to date this year, it’s meant to be all about me and not about finding someone else!

The thing is I have this stupid belief that there is someone out there who is perfect for me. It must be all the Disney movies I watched as a kid because I stupidly still believe in Prince Charming. So whenever someone asks me on a date I can’t say no. I have this irrational fear that I could say no to someone who turns out to be my Prince Charming and that I will spend the rest of my life alone. It’s totally ridiculous and I hate myself for it. So I said yes.

I met him at the pub across the road from my house. He had a large bald patch and his photos must have been taken from a really good angle because he looked like the less attractive cousin of the guy in the photos. I sat down and had a drink. We got to chatting and he mentioned that he grew up in a small country town. He instantly became more attractive. I have a massive thing for country guys. We kept chatting and he seemed nice enough. There wasn’t a spark there, but there wasn’t no chance of ever having a spark. After a few more beers the pub was closing so I asked if he would like to grab some drinks and head across the road to my place. He agreed.

We got to my place and opened a beer each. We sat on the couch and started watching tv and talking. All of a sudden he leapt across and locked lips with me, within 10 seconds he was on top of me and we were in the middle of a full makeout session. It was nice. After a few minutes he stood up, grabbed my hand and started to lead me towards the bedroom. As he did he kicked my beer. It spilled all over the floor! He looked down and then just kept dragging me towards the bedroom. I was furious, he didn’t even offer to clean it up. Not that I would have let him, but he didn’t stop and let me clean it up. He just continued to the bedroom.

We jumped on the bed and started making out and I tried my best to forget about the spilt beer on my floor. I laid on my back and he quickly jumped on top and started grinding his ass against my crotch. I rolled him on to his side and told him I didn’t sleep with people on the first date, that I wasn’t that type of guy. We continued to make out and he continued to grind against me. He rolled over and put his back to my stomach and grinded and grinded, he then rolled onto his stomach and pulled me onto his back. This was when I realised I was in the middle of a dry humping session! I didn’t know what to do, it was so awkward. He kept pushing his ass against my crotch and even slid my fingers into his mouth. After what seemed like an eternity I eventually broke away. I told him that I didn’t want sex and that really wasn’t what I was looking for. He laid there and said nothing. I asked if he would like a coffee to sober up before driving home. He quickly jumped out the bed and started walking out. I followed him out and as he started walking down my driveway I said “I guess I’ll see you later”, he turned and screamed “You just called me a slut!!!!” and ran off down my driveway. I was so confused. I walked inside and started mopping up beer off my floors. When I finished I texted him saying that I didn’t understand why he thought I was calling him a slut and that I didn’t call him that. I didn’t get a reply and I don’t think I really wanted one either. I curled up in bed and thought to myself Maybe being single is better than going through this shit……..

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3 thoughts on “Dry Humping

  1. I can’t help but laugh. You and I have the same luck. It’s always funny to see you go through crap becuase I thought it was just me who had this kind of off the wall crap happen. I am not laughing at your pain, I am laughing at the situations being so real and similar to my own. I can say I enjoy your postings very much.

    You made my day with this one. Lol

    Bob

  2. OMG this brings back sad memories of when I was younger…. And how I would unwittingly find myself in these sexual (but not intercourse) situtations. THank you for sharing 😀

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