Grinding My Gears

I went on grindr again last night despite my attempts to avoid it. I changed my little bio on there to read “I have plenty of friends and dont do hook ups so Im on here looking for 1 thing only” A guy messaged me and the conversation went as follows.  (Im in bold)

Ur here for a boyfriend????

Yeah, Crazy right?

Its good to beleive in miracles

Hahaha 🙂

Why do you want one?

It would be nice to have someone to share my life with

Cant you share with your friends?

Yes, and I do, but its not the same. Besides I dont want to be like 30 and fucking random guys off the internet. There’s nothing wrong with that if thats your lifestyle choice but I know it is definately not for me.

Good Luck with that 🙂

It made me so angry!!! I was absolutely fuming. I know that not all gay guys want to settle down and get married, I know that in fact a lot of them don’t want that and I am happy to accept that but it really grinds my gears when they can’t accept the fact that I do want that. It’s like theres this divide between gays that want boyfriends and gays that want casual sex. Neither side can accept that what the other side wants is what they actually want. Many a time I have seen a settle down gay try to trap a casual sex gay into a relationship and many a time I have seen a casual sex gay trick a settle down gay into bed with the false promiss of a relationship. We are all different and all want different things from life and that is ok, but how are we ever meant to expect acceptance and respect from the wider community when we don’t even accept and respect each other for our own differences?


Why Penises are like Presents

**Warning, today’s blog is quite graphic so if you are underage, easily offended or a family member of mine you probably don’t want to read on**

It may be my inner slut but when I make out with a guy I immediately begin to wonder what his penis looks like. Is it big or small, thick or thin, cut or uncut, straight or bent, good looking or ugly. There are so many different combinations of all these different attributes that you almost never know what your going to get!

I have come to think of seeing a penis for the first time like unwrapping a Christmas present. Unwrapping a package to reveal something good makes me super excited and I can’t wait to use my new toy! On the other hand it can also be like receiving a bad present when you unwrap the package to reveal something very disappointing and you have to pretend that you like it!

Like there is gift giving etiquette there is also penis etiquette. Here are some of my rules for gift giving.

1, Don’t open too many presents. If you open presents every day it will become boring and lose it’s excitement.

2, Don’t let too many people unwrap your package. Nobody wants a gift that everyone else has already played with!

3, Make him wait! Remember when you were little and you spent days or even weeks shaking that gift under the Christmas tree in anticipation of the big day? Excitement builds over time, use it to your advantage to build excitement over your package.

Do you have any more rules? Let me know yours in the comments!

Australia Day

Today, January 26th, is Australia Day! It’s probably my favourite day of the year. I’m pretty damn lucky to live in such an awesome country and today is the day I get to really celebrate it.

A normal Australia day for me starts off with getting dressed. Usually a pair of board shorts, a pair of thongs, a singlet and an Australian flag (Usually worn as a cape like I’m super Australia Man or something). Then it’s usually off to a BBQ somewhere and then it’s time to consume my own body weight in beer. This year is a little different. Every year in the city they have a giant fireworks display and this year I’m going to a BBQ on a boat on the river underneath the fireworks. Can’t get more Australian than eating a BBQ and drinking beer on a boat.

It’s not all about BBQ’s and beer though. There is something special about this day because there is something really special about this country. I don’t know if it’s because one of our core values is mateship or the fact that Australia’s the type of place where you call your best mate a cunt and all your mates have nicknames ending with zza. Today I’ll be spending my day with Stazza, Dazza and Tazza and hopefully they will call me a cunt. It’s the type of place where we drop the bullshit niceties and ridiculous manners and replace it with blatant raw honesty. It’s a place where we don’t take ourselves too seriously, to the point that we don’t even pronounce our own country correctly, most of us pronounce it Oz-tray-ya! It’s something special that can’t be described in words. It’s a feeling of pride and a feeling of gratitude that we get to live in one of the greatest places on earth. Being an Aussie is part of who I am and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So today all I want to say is

Happy Oz-tray-ya day cunts!

Why do some people not take a hint?

So after my awkard ordeal that ended in some heavy Dry Humping I was more than happy to lay off the dating for a while . I went to work the next day and tried to forget the whole incident. Just as I was about to go to lunch I received a text, it was from dry humper. It said “Sorry about last night, I guess I was a bit over sensitive”. I appreciated the sentiment and thought to myself “I know I have lost my cool before on a mixture of first date nerves and too many beers, it happens to the best of us”. Although I had no interest in pursuing things any further I didnt want to leave him hanging like an idiot after building up the courage to apologise. So I texted back , “All good bud. Dont worry about it”. I felt good because I thought that obviously after what happened neither of us where going to pursue things but  we had both managed to be mature about the situation.

Later that night I was on the train home and I got another text “Would you like to go out to dinner on the weekend?”. I thought it was pretty obvious that I was no longer interested at all but hey I guess he got his wires crossed, maybe being a nice guy gave him the wrong idea? So I did what anyone else would do in my situation and ignored the text. Ok, Maybe it wasn’t the most mature situation in the world but surely its going to make it clear that I am not interested.

The next day I received another text “Do you want to hang out on the weekend?”. I couldnt believe it! I didnt want to be mean but I definately wasn’t making it clear enough to him that I wasn’t interested so I texted back “Look mate, I think after the whole situation the other night that it’s best we leave it” to which he replied “Ummm…. ok”. I was kinda annoyed that I had to be the bad guy but at least it was over.

A couple of days later I was on Grindr again curing my boredom and I got a message from someone with no pic and no details. We started chatting and he asked about how my housemate hunt was coming along. I freaked out and asked how this unknown person knew that I was looking for a housemate. He sent through a photo and sure enough it was Dry Humper. I quickly wrapped up the conversation and turned off Grindr.

Im left to wonder though, Why do some people just not take the hint? Do they enjoy being rejected over and over again? I hate having to reject them, it’s not fun for me at all. It actually makes me feel like a major asshole. I just don’t understand why someone would put themself through repeated rejection like that. I have a rule that if someone ignores 2 texts from me then they are obviously not interested enough in me and I leave it and walk away. Maybe thats just me. When do you give up? Are you relentless or do you bow out after the first round? 


Dry Humping

So a few weeks ago I was going all “Destiny’s Child – Independent Women” and ranting about being single and how 2012 is going to be my year of independence and singledom. At the time I meant it, and it is something I would like to achieve for myself this year. But….. I get bored and grindr does entertain me. Sometimes I just want to giggle at some of the crazies, sometimes I just want someone to talk to and other times I straight out just need attention.

So I’m flicking through profiles and I got a message from this guy. He’s my age, very handsome, has a very good job, and seems like a nice guy. We start chatting and he seems nice enough. We keep talking for about a week and eventually he asks me out on a date. I panic because I wasn’t going to date this year, it’s meant to be all about me and not about finding someone else!

The thing is I have this stupid belief that there is someone out there who is perfect for me. It must be all the Disney movies I watched as a kid because I stupidly still believe in Prince Charming. So whenever someone asks me on a date I can’t say no. I have this irrational fear that I could say no to someone who turns out to be my Prince Charming and that I will spend the rest of my life alone. It’s totally ridiculous and I hate myself for it. So I said yes.

I met him at the pub across the road from my house. He had a large bald patch and his photos must have been taken from a really good angle because he looked like the less attractive cousin of the guy in the photos. I sat down and had a drink. We got to chatting and he mentioned that he grew up in a small country town. He instantly became more attractive. I have a massive thing for country guys. We kept chatting and he seemed nice enough. There wasn’t a spark there, but there wasn’t no chance of ever having a spark. After a few more beers the pub was closing so I asked if he would like to grab some drinks and head across the road to my place. He agreed.

We got to my place and opened a beer each. We sat on the couch and started watching tv and talking. All of a sudden he leapt across and locked lips with me, within 10 seconds he was on top of me and we were in the middle of a full makeout session. It was nice. After a few minutes he stood up, grabbed my hand and started to lead me towards the bedroom. As he did he kicked my beer. It spilled all over the floor! He looked down and then just kept dragging me towards the bedroom. I was furious, he didn’t even offer to clean it up. Not that I would have let him, but he didn’t stop and let me clean it up. He just continued to the bedroom.

We jumped on the bed and started making out and I tried my best to forget about the spilt beer on my floor. I laid on my back and he quickly jumped on top and started grinding his ass against my crotch. I rolled him on to his side and told him I didn’t sleep with people on the first date, that I wasn’t that type of guy. We continued to make out and he continued to grind against me. He rolled over and put his back to my stomach and grinded and grinded, he then rolled onto his stomach and pulled me onto his back. This was when I realised I was in the middle of a dry humping session! I didn’t know what to do, it was so awkward. He kept pushing his ass against my crotch and even slid my fingers into his mouth. After what seemed like an eternity I eventually broke away. I told him that I didn’t want sex and that really wasn’t what I was looking for. He laid there and said nothing. I asked if he would like a coffee to sober up before driving home. He quickly jumped out the bed and started walking out. I followed him out and as he started walking down my driveway I said “I guess I’ll see you later”, he turned and screamed “You just called me a slut!!!!” and ran off down my driveway. I was so confused. I walked inside and started mopping up beer off my floors. When I finished I texted him saying that I didn’t understand why he thought I was calling him a slut and that I didn’t call him that. I didn’t get a reply and I don’t think I really wanted one either. I curled up in bed and thought to myself Maybe being single is better than going through this shit……..

Do I need to be needed?

Today I read a blog on a fellow bloggers page called “Why are you still single?”. It was written by a woman who I consider to be attractive, intelligent and independent. The story was that she kept meeting men who kept asking “Why are you still single?”. Eventually one of them turned around and said “I’ve figured it out, you don’t have any one because you don’t need anyone”. After consulting girlfriends they agreed men need to feel needed. There were so many good points in this blog but this point got me thinking.

Being a man myself I started to think “Do I need to be needed?” I thought back over all my past relationships and it was true for every single one. One of the main things all my past relationships had in common was I felt needed by the other person. In all the lists I have made or rules I have written about finding a partner this 1 key fact had never made it’s way on to the lists. How could I have missed something so simple?

When I think about it, it’s basically hard wired in to our DNA as men to be a provider for our families, partners and children. Since the birth of man, men have provided and women have nurtured. It’s only natural to want to provide for your partner and therefore be needed by them.

This got me thinking further though, how does this feeling of being needed transpire into gay relationships? I know everyone, men and women, want to feel needed but how does it work when both partners need to be needed in the exact same way? I know from experience that some of my relationships have been a constant wrestling match for who gets to be the provider in the relationship. I have, at times felt emasculated when I have had to back down and let someone provide for me. So how does a gay relationship come to a balance where both partners get to fulfil their role as “the man” and therefore fulfil their natural instinct of feeling needed?

I’d love to know your ideas. Let me know in the comments below!

Im not dead

Hey guys, sorry its been over a week since my last blog. As I mentioned in my last post I was moving house and it kinda turned into a lot more of a spare time killer than I thought it would.

As I mentioned I was super excited to be moving back into my own place. I arrived at my house to find the place trashed. Not just your ordinary kind of dirty but absolutely filthy. The floors where covered in a layer of black sand, the ceilings where stained yellow from where this filthy pig had been smoking in the house. The once beautiful floor boards now had huge scratches along them. The backyard was littered with soiled nappies. I was disgusted, sad and hurt that someone could disrespect my property so badly. I went to the toilet and looked down to find tampon wrappers on the floor. I turned around and sat down on the seat and put my head in my hands. It was all too much! As I lifted my head I noticed that the door handle had been smashed and then turned to my left to see that the toilet roll holder had a burn mark on it. I was so confused, why would you even have fire in a toilet? I called out to my mum who was helping me move to come look. She looked at it and turned to me and said “Its a ciggarette burn”. I almost collapsed!! I used to smoke but in all my years I have never smoked while sitting on the toilet. I could just imagine this filthy pig of a woman sitting on the dunny with a durry in one hand while wiping her ass with the other!!! I was horrified at the type of person I had let rent my home.

I composed myself and began cleaning. As I did and the house started to resemble a home again I became happier. As I was sweeping in the lounge room, I pulled the curtain aside to clean underneath, exposing some more tampon wrappers. This still confuses me. How and why would your tampon wrappers end up in the loungeroom!? I just dont get it. As a single childless gay man I thought 2 things I would never have to do would be pick up nappies or pick up tampon wrappers. In 1 day I had to do both!

I have got the place looking reasonable now and have had my furniture delivered. I found a housemate and have my dogs there. Things are starting to turn around and hopefully I can put this horrible week behind me. I have a few more things to do to the house and I am getting a new computer soon but I am definately looking forward to having more spare time and being able to blog more often.