The Butch or the Bitch?

So if you are a gay guy who has ever had a boyfriend you have probably been asked this question, if you have a gay friend you have probably asked this question.


Who’s the man and who’s the woman in the relationship?


So first let me just state the obvious, there is no woman in the relationship! They are both the man! That’s kind of the point of being in a gay relationship. Gay relationships don’t have to consist of a male role and a female role.


Society generally grooms young boys to fit the straight male role. Part of coming out is standing up and saying No, that role is not who I am. I am something different and I want something different in my life to what you are telling me to want. Gay men are in the unique position where we have had to go through something that has made us brave enough and strong enough to lead a different life from what is expected of us and this is also true of our relationships. If we choose, we can have something different from the traditional roles society dictates to us.


When it comes to relationships, everyone has this choice. How many straight relationships do you know where the woman quite clearly is the dominant partner? Does this make her a man? Does this make her boyfriend a woman? No. I know of straight relationships where they are both “the man” and other relationships where they are both “the woman”. This is nothing new.


I am totally guilty of answering this question “he’s the man” or “he’s the woman”, because it’s easier than trying to explain the concept of “we are both the man”. So I’m going to challenge myself and all you gay guys out there to put the time and effort in to explain gay relationships as best you can. Gay men have a difficult enough time dealing with their masculinity, it just makes it even harder when you are trying to type cast them as a woman. If we all try to be a little more open minded and explain things a little clearer we can make the world a better place.


Have you ever asked/ been asked this question? Let me know in the comments below.


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