Today I have some pretty fantastic news. I have joined the cast of awesome writers over at GayAgenda.com
From now on you will be able to find articles by me amongst other great articles from the LGBT community at http://www.gayagenda.com . I will still be writing on Ty-Curious.com but for an extra dose of Ty make sure you hit up Gay Agenda too.
Before the cowboy, there was the punk. I didn’t really think he was much of a punk but he very much liked to think of himself as one so I went with it. He was about 5 years younger than me but we were very much on the same level of maturity. While the cowboy left me with scratches and bruises, the punk left me crippled with internal bleeding. In actuality he left me with swelling on the brain after running me over with his car one night. Yeah….. we were that dramatic couple.
We were on and off so often that at times even I found it hard to keep up with where we were at. We would fight and do the most dispicable things to each other and then go right on back to being Ty and the punk as if nothing had ever happened. This went on for over 2 years and by the end I was a shell of my former self. I had tried everything to make it work but in the end I realised you just cant turn dog shit into diamonds.
For most of the time that we were together I had a failing business. It constantly kept me down emotionally and mentally. I always felt like I wasnt a good enough provider and therefore a good enough boyfriend. Although in the end I realised that things were shit, there was still always a small part of me that thought “If I had money, maybe things would have been different”. That stupid thought planted itself deep in my brain and eventually became a belief. Somehow I started to believe that if I was to ever have a boyfriend again that I needed money…. and lots of it. The more money I had, the more guys that would be interested in me.
So recently I met this guy. We started chatting and he seemed really nice. It wasnt until after our first date that I realised this guy was easily the richest guy I had ever dated and not by a little bit either. He would be easily 10 times richer than the second richest dude I’ve dated. (Not that I only date rich dudes, my last boyfriend was unemployed) Anyway, this guy had all this money but he had no success with guys or relationships. I couldnt understand it. As I got to know him better I started to see why. While he absolutely ticked the box of being successful, other boxes like personality, humour and fitness were left very blank. He was everything that I wanted to be, my idea of “the ideal man” and yet even I didnt want to date him.
It made me realise that even if I do make a tonne of money. If I ignore all the other aspects of my life then guys still wont want to be with me. Im even starting to think that maybe a lot of guys dont put success at the top of their list when looking for a boyfriend. Maybe things like sense of humour, hot body, able to hold a conversation, great in bed are more important? What is the most important thing you look for in a guy?
Lesson for today: Having the perfect bank balance wont make me happy but being happy will make me perfect.
The moment I started blogging I started reading because, well, I didnt want to look like a dumb arse. I read as much as I could about gay culture so I could give a fair and some what knowledgable opinion in my posts. One of the things I first came across was “The Kinsey Scale”.
My understanding is that kinseys opinion is that there isnt just straight or gay. There is a range of sexuality. As you can see above 0 being straight and 6 being gay and a range of 5 different bisexuals between them. This seems absolutely strange to me. Maybe I am just sheltered, I know straight guys and I know gay guys, but I do not know 1 bisexual guy, let alone 5 different levels of bi guys! It seems completely unrealistic to me.
I would love to live in a world where people were open to varying levels of sexuality and I wish this scale where true but I just dont see it. Am I just being blind? Is this the case and I just dont see it? Most of all I want to know How Gay Are You? Im a 6, at best a 5. Where do you sit on the scale?
I am lucky enough that I dont look, act or sound gay. When I meet people for the first time, I never set off anyone’s gaydar. People always just make the assumption that I am straight. I would never ever say that I am straight acting as I never act straight. I just act like me, I just be myself and lucky for me, being myself never sets off anyones gaydar. Don’t get me wrong, there are times where I shake my shit to Lady Gaga and everyone in a 10 kilometer radius instantly knows I’m a homo, but 99% of the time this isn’t the case.
I know this isnt a luxury that a lot of gay men have. Some guys raise people’s suspicions about their sexuality just by the way they talk, the way they walk or the way they act. I am fortunate enough not to be one of these guys. It affords me the opportunity to reveal my sexuality whenever I please or feel is appropriate. I am very grateful for this as I would absolutely hate having to put on an act or not be myself just to ease people’s suspicions.
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be though. It does have it’s downfalls. I recently met some new people and straight away became one of the boys, drinking beers, talking bout “bitches” and all round being one of the lads. It’s great to be able to do this but the problem is that once I reveal my sexuality to them things change. I understand that, no straight guy wants to be best mates with a gay guy, and even if they do, the dynamic of the friendship undoubtedly will change.
Is this just me? Does any gay guy out there have a straight male best friend? Do you think your relationship with him is different than if you were both straight. I’d love to hear about a gay guy/ straight guy bromance that is unaffected by your sexuallity. Let me know in the comments or if anyone has an awesome story email me at ty@ty-curious.com and I will post it on here for everyone to read.
So in yesterdays post I decided that from now on I’m going to show the real me, a less edited, raw version of myself on Ty-Curious.com. So I thought what better way to start than showing you a video of what I get up to when I’m sitting around by myself. So here it is….
That was me yesterday while I was sitting around procrastinating, getting ready for a work function that I had last night. You might have noticed that I was rather orange. I was covered in spray on tan and was waiting for it to develop and hadn’t washed it off yet. What do you think of spray on tan on guys? Im a total tanorexic! I used to work outdoors and had an all year round tan. It was one of my favourite things about myself so now I love tanning up whenever I get the chance. Theres pics on facebook of what the tan ended up like. I think it was a good one.
On a side note, thanks to everyone who added me on facebook yesterday. Over 75 friends in the first day, so stoked with that. Hopefully its a better way for us to keep in touch. If you havent added me yet add me www.facebook.com/ty.curious1 !
Hey Guys, If your a regular reader of Ty-Curious.com you may have noticed I havent posted much lately. My life has been kind of hectic lately. There has been a lot going on and a lot of changes in my life and I just kind of ended up feeling very lost. To be honest, I wasnt sure if the blog was something that I wanted to continue with. As it got more and more popular it took up more and more of my time and energy.
The problem was that I was treating “Ty Curious” as a character, as a role that I had to play and it was exhausting. I wasnt just coming on here and saying the things I wanted to say. I was saying the things I thought people wanted to hear, or things that would make me look or sound more popular. I was only posting very flattering photos of myself, only showing a very filtered version of me, one that I thought people would like. I guess the thing is that I have never fit in well with other gay guys and I thought if I was just being “me” that guys wouldn’t like that, I thought I had to be someone else, I thought I had to be “Ty Curious” for people to like me and want to read my stuff.
So after a bit of time off and looking back through old posts I noticed that the most popular blogs were the one’s where I had just been myself and said what I honestly thought. Then when I asked you guys what you would like to see more of on my blog the overwhelming response was “more of me and my personal journey”. So I have re-learned one of the most important lessons in life – Be Yourself!
“You can be the ripest, juciest peach in the world, and theres always going to be someone who hates peaches”
For too long I’ve been a peach trying to be the shiniest apple. From now on I’m going to try and give you guys nothing but peaches. To start things off here is my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/ty.curious1 You can add me as a friend and get the low down on what I get up to in my every day life. Here’s to a fresh start….. I hope you guys enjoy!
The other day I was chatting with friends about numbers. No, we aren’t the nerdy mathematician types. We were talking about a special number, the number of people we have slept with. At some point I have had this conversation with almost all of my friends. Some have been shockingly high, some have been surprisingly low.
As most of my friends are straight this conversation is always based around how many guys a girl has slept with or how many girls a guy has slept with. Rarely have I talked with gay guys about this, but when I have the numbers have always been higher than their straight counterparts. I guess this is because for gay guys sex is so easily available.
Whenever the topic is bought up, generally having a high number is frowned upon. Well kind of. If your a straight guy a high number means your a legend. If your a straight girl then a high number means your a slut. Nothing new, its a double standard that has been around for decades. But I always wonder, what does this mean for gay guys? Does it mean if your a Top with a high number your a legend and if you are a Bottom with a high number your a slut?
I know a lot of guys who wont settle down with a chick if they have been with “too many” guys. Terms like “Once a whore, always a whore” and “theres the type you fuck and the type you marry” have been thrown around many a time when having this conversation with straight guys. Do gay men feel the same way? I know I have been put off by guys who admit to having ridiculously high numbers of sex partners. I know it’s immature but I like my things to be new, I dont want something that everyone else has already used.
If you are a gay guy with an incredibly high number has it ever cost you a relationship? Have you ever been judged for the amount of guys you have slept with?
If you are a gay guy with a low number does your partners (or potential partners) number bother you? Would you not date someone for their sexual past?
Or does someones number not bother you at all? Let me know in the comments.
*Warning – If you are related to me or don’t want to know intimate details of my sex life you should probably skip today’s post*
In previous posts I have spoken of my celibacy or ‘dry spell’. It has now been 16 months of me not having sex, a long time by anyone’s standards. It has probably been the longest dry spell I have had since I have been out. In the start it was by choice. After yet another failed relationship I decided I didn’t want to sleep with anyone else until I met “The One”. In the start it was kind of refreshing. I had a lot more spare time to do things I enjoyed. I never had to sit around starring at my phone thinking “Will he call?” “Maybe he didn’t like that thing I did with my tongue, maybe that’s why he isn’t calling, maybe I’m weird.” Best of all though, for the first time in a long time I could focus on making me happy, not trying to make someone else happy.
It had been a long time since I had focused on me and it was long overdue. You see, I came out at what I consider quite late, the ripe old age of 21. By this stage all my friends had been playing the dating game for a fair few years and now that I had all my shit sorted, I felt like I had some catching up to do. I had the older boyfriend, the rich boyfriend, the clingy boyfriend, the fuck buddy, the casual fuck, the threesome and way too many one night stands, all within my first year of coming out. You could say I made up for lost time. By the end of that year, I was lost, confused and broken hearted.
While I enjoyed exploring my sexuality, finding out what I do like and what I don’t like, it wasn’t me. It didn’t fit with who I was as a person. I was most definately the boyfriend type. I liked the snuggling in bed and the kissing and all the cute shit that came with having a boyfriend. So I started to settle down. I had the long distance boyfriend, the young boyfriend, the emotionally distant boyfriend, the young boyfriend again and then the cowboy. By the end of a pile of failed relationships I was the one left feeling like a failure. Which is when I decided the whole thing was just too damn hard and started my vow of celibacy.
In the past 16 months of putting a lot more effort into me, I’ve grown as a person. I’ve accomplished things in my career that I never thought possible, Ive made some of the best friends, I’ve built this blog, I’ve moved into my own home and started renovating it. I’ve made more progress in my life than ever before. But now that all the other areas of my life are coming together, I feel now more than ever that I am ready to end the “dry season”. My problem now is, I don’t feel like I’m quite ready for another relationship, and I’ve done the meaningless sex thing when I was younger and didn’t enjoy it. So what’s a man to do? Do I give casual sex another go (I might like it as an adult) Or do I just wait until I am ready for another relationship? Is there a happy medium that I am blissfully unaware of?
